7 Tough Questions To Ask Your Friends

Last week I wrote a post saying that godly friends ask tough, heart-exposing questions of each other for the purpose of pointing each other towards Christ. In that post I gave a few examples of what these questions might look like.

One reader asked if I had a list of other tough questions to ask your friends. Unfortunately, I don’t have a set list of probing, heart-exposing questions that I ask my friends, but I can give you suggestions for questions you might ask. This is not an exhaustive list, it’s simply meant to get you started in the right direction. And I must point out, these questions aren’t one-sided. You should be inviting your friends to ask these same questions of you. So without further ado, here’s my “awkward questions” list.

_Have you been consistently pursuing the Lord through scripture reading and prayer?

Above anything else, I want to make sure that my friends are faithfully pursuing the Lord. If there is a deficiency in reading scripture and prayer, there will be a deficiency in their relationship with the Lord.

_Have you diligently pursued your wife/husband this week?

This questions applies to married folks only. Our relationship with our spouse is our second most important relationship after the Lord. If I’m not diligently investing in my relationship with my wife, there’s a problem.

_Have you seen any persistent patterns of sin in your life recently?

Sin usually isn’t an isolated event. The same sin usually occurs multiple times in different contexts. It’s crucial that we help each other identify patterns of sin.

_Last week you confessed struggling with [insert sin]. Have you taken steps to fight it this week?

It’s not enough to just confess sin. We want to help each other actively fight against the sin that we confess.

_When you gave into [insert sin], what were you believing about God in that moment? What were you believing about yourself?

Sin is the result of believing lies about God and about ourselves. We sin in worry because we believe that God isn’t taking care of us. We sin in lust because we believe that it will satisfy us more than God. We sin in anger because we feel that our “rights” have been violated. Sin is the result of believing lies.

_What is the truth that you need to believe in this situation?

We fight against the lies of sin by believing scriptural truth. We must help each other see how scripture applies to every area of our lives.

_When you had the conflict with [insert person], what were you craving at that moment?

Scripture tells that conflict is the result of cravings. James 4:1-2 says, “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?
You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.” Cravings underlie conflict.

Hopefully these questions get you going in the right direction. Let there be awkward questions!

  • Healyhatman

    Ha! I “lol’d” you theists are funny sometimes… The things you lot worry about….


  • Stephen Altrogge


    Thanks for stopping by!


    Good stuff. Good enough share.

    Another funny theist,


  • Meg

    These are very deep & great questions. Thanks for sharing =)

    “We sin in lust because we believe that it will satisfy us more than God.” – wow. that blows me away. Only God can fill and complete us, yet we run to things that aren’t pleasing to God. Why do we believe lust can satisfy when we know it cannot? sigh.

  • Justin

    I applaud these–

    Another good one: How do you know you’re saved?

  • Shannon Brown

    I think this could just as easy be titled “7 tough questions to ask yourself!!” :o )

  • http://www.humanitasremedium.wordpress.com Russ

    great post! I am so glad I came across your blog!

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  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/nards656 Bernard Shuford

    I can't think of a single friend that I truly trust enough to share this kind of stuff with. Perhaps I'm just too private, but the only friend that I've ever almost had such a relationship with was apparently offended by it and shut down our friendship completely.

    That's just, well, the truth. I don't trust anybody enough to have these kinds of conversations. I trust my wife enough, but it's a very different relationship.

  • http://www.thefaithlounge.com/ Carole

    Wow – what tough questions.

    I haven't even got as far as asking a friend as I am still questioning myself!!

  • http://mrserven.blogspot.com Arline Erven

    Using some questions weekly with the women I lead. They've been wonderfully helpful for all of us! :) Thanks for posting.