Thanks again for your humble comments. The Lord gives grace to the humble, and I trust he’ll continue to help you grow in mercy. I’m the president of the sinners club – over the years I’ve been proud, unmerciful, and impatient with God’s precious sheep, and God in his kindness has been so patient and merciful towards me.

I know he will help us both.

Jim,

Great heart-test. I believe we should do all we can to not leave a church offended, should God call us to another church, but we should do all we can to leave reconciled and at peace.

Thanks for your comments!

Now, that’s not an iron-clad rule. I’ve seen Hayford break it. However, I think it still holds as a general rule.

Meanwhile, I’ve slowly learned to deeply appreciate excellent pastors without putting them on quite so high a pedestal.

One final thought: After you have spoken to the pastor and thought and prayed and waited, eager for reconciliation, if the issue is keeping you from fully serving the Lord and the pastor shows no desire for bridging the gap, there can come a time to leave for another church, if one’s available. A quick heart-test is whether you can still love that pastor who offended you. If not, you should probably stay until the Lord has corrected that fault in your own heart.

The result has been a church that is afraid to confront their pastor because they are afraid he will not show mercy.

This really breaks my heart that I have done this to them.

So, thank you again for your encouragement. I hope and pray that God will give me more mercy…

Chris

Great question. It’s hard to know how to answer, since I don’t know you or your church and the interplay between you and those you serve. A few thoughts:

We pastors should regularly express to our churches how much we love them, how grateful they are for them. We can do this when we pray before preaching, or at the conclusion of messages. We can thank God for the grace we see in their lives – that they love Jesus and love his word. For the way they serve, for their faithfulness, their desire to obey him, etc.

We can try to create a culture in our churches where people are not afraid to come to us. One way to do this is by sharing whenever appropriate, our failures and sins from the pulpit.

We can tell people from the front, in new members classes, etc. that we don’t mind if they have disagreements with us, or if they have questions we won’t be offended.

We can thank people when they do come to us – it usually takes a lot of courage on their part. Our response to people when they come to us, even when they come with bad attitudes, will either encourage them to come back or turn them off from ever saying anything to us again.

You could give out the post or direct them to the post, and tell them you’d like them to read it, not because they have a problem, but because it could help you. You could tell them you’re not trying to justify yourself or put the blame on them. Tell them the principles in the post apply to you too.

Maybe you could ask them to read it and give you their thoughts on it. You might even ask select folks, like your leaders, if they feel you are approachable, teachable, easy to bring things to, etc.

Hope these comments help, Chris.

Mark

As a pastor, how do I share this with my church without making it look like I am just trying to justify myself and putting all the “blame” on them?

I’m talking to myself first. And yes, the Peacemaker is a great book. Thanks for commenting.

I’m glad you mentioned that a pastor can have a sinful response to criticism. We who are pastors should humbly receive correction and observations, for we are sinners with blind spots just like those we serve.

Thanks for commenting!