I have long feared that my sins would return to visit me, and the cost would be more than I could bear. – Benjamin Martin, The Patriot
It’s a terrible thing to be suffocated by a guilty conscience. There was a period in my life between the ages of 16 and 18 when I felt guilty all the time. Nonstop, conscience-inflicted misery. I was painfully aware of my sin and couldn’t shake the feeling that God was unhappy with me. But in his mercy, God led me to a book called Transforming Grace which helped me to truly grasp the guilt-breaking grace of God.
But there are still many times when I’m far more aware of my sin than I am of God’s grace. It seems like my sins are doing a dog pile before my very eyes. The time I got angry on the basketball court. The harsh word I spoke to my brother. My perpetual failure to evangelize. My monstrous selfish ambition. I feel like David did when he wrote in Psalm 51:3-4
For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.
David understood guilt. He wrote Psalm 51 after committing adultery and homicide. He felt the sickening weight of a guilty conscience. But David also understood something else. He knew that God overflows with grace and mercy and is able to forgive even the most heinous sins. And so he writes:
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Whiter than snow. Ponder those words for a moment. This is what God has done for me! My sins are great, but there is something far greater. The crimson blood of Christ really has washed me white as snow in God’s eyes. He doesn’t see my guilt. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. God sees me as clean, righteous, perfect, acceptable, guilt-free. The sickening weight of guilt is lifted by the mighty blood of Christ. The holy God embraces me, a wicked sinner, as his son. Glorious.
Are you more aware of your sin or grace right now? How do we move from being more aware of our sin to being more aware of God’s grace in Christ?
+photo by Nagy David
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
i love grace. it is so amazing.
yesterday I had the privilege of being baptized, so I have been freshly and sweetly reminded anew of His amazing and lavish grace.
i don’t deserve that. what i deserved is death – not being raised to walk in newness of life.
the cross is amazing. grace is great. i don’t want to forget that… but i do so often.
i think the key is staying so close to the cross that we can always hear the cries…
“Father forgive them.”
“It is finished.”
Those six words alone have changed my life. Those six words constantly give me hope at the times when I am more aware of my sin.
Those six words are bursting with grace – lavish, overabundant, boundless grace.
… oh… and those words give me hope that even when I don’t “feel” clean, I can rest in the promise that His words are true and that His grace is more than sufficient.
Yay for grace!
Emily – So cool that you got baptized Sunday! Our church just did a baptism this Sunday as well. Was it in a pool, river, lake, etc?
I just read this post today and was amazed at the similarity with a book I just received in the mail entitled “Whiter than Snow: Meditations on Sin and Mercy” by Paul David Tripp. Your post summarizes it beautifully.