I get suspicious of God sometimes. I think you do to.
Jen and I get sick for the fourth time in four months. Little bubbles of complaining start to rise in my heart. Why does this keep happening to me? This is so frustrating.
My leisure time is eaten up by vast amounts of work. Relaxing becomes a quaint idea of the past, like iceboxes and floppy disks. I deserve time to rest! Why is my life so chaotic? I just want to catch my breath.
I sin against Jen in impatience again. Haven’t I confessed this before? I’m caught up in my own spiritual “Groundhog Day”, waking up to the same sins every day. I’m never going to change. Surely God must have put me on probation by now. I need to do a three-day fast just to get back on his good side.
Can you relate to me? In every one of these instances my heart is suspicious toward God. I’m not so sure that God is really good to me. I’m not convinced that every circumstance in my life is for my good and his glory. I’m pretty sure that God must be getting tired of me.
We know these thoughts are wrong, but how do we cure our sinfully suspicious hearts? Only by massive doses of the antibiotic of the gospel. Every day. Check out this quote by Milton Vincent from The Gospel Primer:
When controlling my thoughts [with the gospel]…the gospel cures me of my suspicion of God, thereby disposing me to walk more trustingly on the path of obedience to His commands.
When I behold the son of God hanging on a cross, engulfed in blackness, crying out to God, suspicion disappears. When I see the Father heaping all my sins on his son, my suspicions dry up. When I hear the Father proclaim “Not Guilty!” over me, I can’t doubt his love, or goodness, or compassion.
Do you feel suspicious toward God today? Turn your eyes back to Calvary. The gospel is the great antidote to wicked suspicion.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
I have been reading Trusting God by Jerry Bridges and in the chapter I am in now, he talks about the Israelites wandering in the wilderness and, despite how they complained, God stlil provided for their every need. God’s desire was to make them more dependent on Him. When I look back at time of trial in my life it is usually easy to see the areas that God was teaching me to be more dependent on Him. I can’t always see this (especailly not in the midst) but I know that God is working for my good and that His desire is to make me more dependent on Him and to make me more like His Son. This is such an encouraging thing to remember when I am tempted to wonder if God really does know what He’s doing.
I have no idea what you are talking about Stephen. I never struggle with that. Aren’t you at a PASTORS’ College? Hmmm, maybe they can help you with this.
Thank you for your humility in sharing this. I loved the “Spiritual Groundhog Day” reference. That is exactly what it feels like. It should have been a 2 week journey for the Israelites from Egypt to the Promised Land… (That was the original Groundhog Day Movie…) I pray it doesn’t take me 40 years to learn to trust God. He has been so faithful to me. I find I am daily, sometimes hourly preaching to myself, reminding myself how He didn’t fail me in the past and He will continue to be faithful in the future.
Thanks for this post.
Hey Stephen,
I love this blog, the Lord uses it to encourage me all the time. How beautiful is the Gospel, How beautiful is Jesus, i try to meditate on heb 12:1-2 often, let us lay aside every weight and the sin which clings so closely and let us run with endurane the race that is set before us, looking or keeping our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith. thats it man, run the race with our eyes firmly fixed on Jesus. love you brother, thanks for all you do for the Lord. 1 cor 15:58
I’m looking for the chart and/or lead sheet for an old song:
you’ll never leave me or forsake me/what can separate me/from your love/your constant love o lord/…in a time of trial and testing /iwill fix my eyes on you/your the author and perfecter of my faith… can anybody help me find this great but apparently forgotten song?
wow. this post is timely. lately i have been suspicious of God… is this really what’s best? it makes no sense, God… and so on.
i’m glad to hear i’m not the only one.
its times like this that make me freshly grateful for God’s patience with me.
Wendy – Isn’t Jerry Bridges great? I was so privileged to have him teach me in class this year.
Vicki – Yeah, somehow they let even me into the PC! I can totally relate to needing to remind myself again and again of God’s faithfulness. It seems like we always forget.
Brandon – I’m so glad you find this blog helpful. Your words are really encouraging!
Glen – Sorry, I’m not sure which song it is. Have you tried asking Bob Kauflin? You can contact him through his blog – http://www.worshipmatters.com
Emily – Yeah, you’re definitely not the only one!
Stephen, much like Brandon, the Lord has used your blog to encourage me/convict me quite often. This one is spot on. I’ve found myself complaining about all the “trials” in life the past year, so much so that I’ve completely missed all the blessings He’s poured out in the midst of it all. My wife pointed me to 2 Thess. 3:16 this week “Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times in every way.” What more is there? Perspective, for me, has been a huge obstacle lately. But when I step back from looking at me and all my junk, I see the glory of the Father and what He’s done for us in Jesus, and all my junk fades away in comparison.
So good, Stephen! This was a very timely reminder for me. How often I battle this sinful suspicion. Confident of God’s sovereignty but no always His goodness. Thank you freshly pointing me back to Calvary!!