Dear Tech Support

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance — particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.  In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

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Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: ‘I Thought You Loved Me.exe’, try to download Tears 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.  Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 It runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources. Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.  In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0…

Good Luck, Tech Support

………..

My friend Dave Harvey used the above humor in his introduction to an incredible teaching he did called “God’s Mercy and My Marriage,” which is available here.  I recommend it for all believers, not just married couples.  The truths about the mercy of God in Dave’s message are life-changing and have application far beyond marriage.

photo by tim caynes

  • Tosha

    This is absolutely hilarious! We’re reading “When Sinners Say I Do” on our CG and loving it. Thanks for this post. A little humor is always appreciated. :)

  • http://www.theblazingcenter.com Mark Altrogge

    Hi Tosha,

    Yes, Dave’s book is tremendous. Yeah, I thought the piece was funny and creative, though I wasn’t able to track down the author…

  • http://garyboalnireland.blogspot.com Gary Boal

    Fantastic

  • http://www.theblazingcenter.com Mark Altrogge

    Yeah, Gary, wish I’d have come up with this……

  • TimK

    Mark –

    Wow! NFL 5.0 is out already? I gotta get upgraded!!

    Tim

  • http://reicheru.wordpress.com Rachael

    Thanks! My husband and I got a kick out of that. He’ll send it to my aunt and uncle in case they want to use it in their newlywed group that they lead…

  • http://reicheru.wordpress.com Rachael

    Oh and I LOVED when “When Sinners Say I Do” – I read it before we got married, but unfortunately we don’t know where it is….

  • http://blog.harmlessonline.net Mr. Harmless

    That is really funny!

    I am downloading the messages while I am commenting. Is that Paul Tripp for some of the sessions?

  • http://blog.harmlessonline.net Mr. Harmless

    (also to Tosha…) When Sinners say I Do is an Awesome book! I have been recommending it to all of my friends.

  • http://www.theblazingcenter.com Mark Altrogge

    Hey Tim,

    Better get it today….

    Hi Rachael,

    Glad you got a kick out of it…

    Mr. Harmless,

    Glad you’re downloading the messages. Yes, it’s Paul Tripp for 2 of the sessions, and the final message is by Aron Osborne.