A dad once told me, “I get angry with my kids so they know I’m serious. It’s good for them to be afraid of me, at least a little bit.”
So often we resort to anger as a way to get people to do what we want. Parents yell at their kids to try to get them to obey. Bosses intimidate employees to motivate them. Husbands speak harshly to their wives to try to change them.
But God’s Word says, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God (James 1.19-20).
Catch that? Anger won’t produce righteousness – in our children or anyone else. Anger will often produce something else, though – the fear of man. Oh, our children may obey us out of fear. But our anger will produce little Pharisees, who obey on the outside but not from the heart*.
God doesn’t use anger to produce his righteousness in us. His wrath doesn’t move those in hell to love him. God imputes to us Christ’s righteousness, then moves us to obey out of gratitude. We love because he first loved us, not because he first intimidated us.
*I’d like to credit the person I learned this from, but I can’t recall who it was.
photo by Eric Rice
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As someone entirely ignorant of fatherhood (as of yet), I agree with the general thrust. But I have a question: does God (in the OT) never motivate his children (the Israelites) to obey him through (righteous) anger?
Wow Mark,
What a much needed reminder! I totally agree, I don’t know why it is so easy to gravitate toward anger..especially when it comes to kids. I think it’s a little thing called sin! ( not really a little thing!)
I struggle with that so much. it’s how my parents dealt with me, so I think that’s the way to go but as you said, ” We love because he first loved us, not because he first intimidated us.” What hope would we have if God had intimidated us into obedience? It’s out of His love toward us, not that we loved Him but that He loved us! What an amazing and heart changing truth that is!
Thanks for yet again, another encouraging start to the week!
Blessings
Ron Reffett
This is very useful in pastoral ministry as well as in the home. Being the father of 5 and pastor of hundreds, I needed this! If you don’t mind me going a bit King Jimmy “verily, verily” (translation…so true, so true)
Charis kai Ereneh Humen,
Jeff
Hi Paul,
Great question. I suppose there is a kind of motivation that would come from fear of God’s righteous anger. But even God’s righteous anger did not produce “righteousness” in the Israelites. When God gave them the 10 commandments, he prefaced it with, “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery (EX 20.2). In other words, “I have saved you by grace. Now live as saved people.” So the “motivation” was his mercy and kindness to them. He did promise them consequences for disobedience, so there was some motivation there, but again, the consequences failed to produce righteousness.
As far as righteous anger is concerned, the only purely righteous anger is anger that is completely concerned for the glory of God, such as Jesus’ anger when he overturned the tables of the sellers in the temple. I find that my anger is rarely because the glory of God has been abused, but because I’m not getting something I want (see James 4.1-2).
A key to the verse in James is “the anger of MAN does not produce the righteousness of God. Man’s anger – my anger, my sinful anger, cannot produce righteousness in anyone.
Thanks for asking the question. Hope this helps.
Hey Ron,
I believe it was David Powlison, in some great articles about anger in the Journal of Christian Counseling (CCEF) that we tend to learn patterns of anger from our parents. If our parents are screamers, we often imitate that; if they are cold shoulder types, we tend to imitate that. So you are right, the way we are treated has an influence on us.
But as you said, the truth that Christ first loved us is heart-changing. I’m glad he shed his blood to pay for my anger! Thanks again for your encouraging words, Ron!
Hey Jeffrey,
Amen! This definitely applies to pastoral ministry! I never helped anyone changed by getting angry at them. Yelling tends to frighten sheep away…..
Much needed and well-put. It seems to me that this is especially a problem here in America, where we value control so much and eschew anger so little. Paul placed ‘outbursts of anger’ in his ‘bad list’ in Galatians 5:20 – along with idolatry, sorcery, strife, and dissension.
Incidentally, we have this anger-fueled management in the corporate world, too. We call it theory X management. It’s based on the assumption that workers are primarily motivated either by 1) fear, 2) money, or both. I have been under an X manager before, and I burned out so fast it was sad. It’s a great way to stamp out any real desire to obey and replace it with feigned obedience.
So thanks for the post. It spoke to me about my own fatherhood journey (with a toddler and a new baby on the way) as well as my relationship with my Father.
Hi Ben,
Thanks for your comments, especially for pointing out that outbursts of anger are listed along with idolatry and sorcery, etc. – really shows how serious anger is.
Stephen,
This blog was a sovereign providence that “tee-ed” me up for the big drive the Lord was about to swing on me (little golf analogy). I went to Reality Check 09 with my Student Minister, Students, and their parents in Chattanooga, TN 6/29-7/2. Lo and behold there was an article in the study guide by Carey Hardy on how to raise a Pharisee.
Then to top it all off, Paul David Tripp of 10th Prez, lead the bulk of the plenary sessions on identity amnesia, spiritual blindness to our own blindness, and restoration instead of “remodeling” the people in our lives.
I would like to join “Pharisees Anonymous”. “Hi, my name is Jeff. I am a Pharisee, attempting to train my wife, children, and redemptive community to check boxes to impress each other”. I AM NEEEEEEEDY!
Thanks for being used of God!
Hey Jeffrey,
I’m president of the club. But I will let you join. Thanks for your humility and your encouragement!
I google "angry face" and your pic popped up. Can I use your pic for my workshop. It's not for a commercial usage. Thanks.
Sure Tony,
It’s not actually my face….but you can use it.
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