Flipping Out About the iPad

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People are wigging (street talk meaning “getting excited about”) out about Apple’s new iPad. Tim Challies calls it the most disappointing thing since the Blue Jays lost the World Series in 1993. Josh Harris, on the other hand, thinks that it’s the greatest invention since slap bracelets and Reebok Pumps.

I think I side with Tim Challies, but for slightly different reasons. Here’s why I’m not so impressed with the iPad…

  • Zero capacity for time travel. After reading all the hype I was under the impression that I was going to be able to transport myself directly back to 1992 and watch brand new episodes of “Home Improvements”. Apparently Steve Jobs hasn’t heard of a flux capacitor (see Back to the Future).
  • No ability to be my personal bond-servant. I was envisioning something along the lines of “Hal” from 2001: A Space Odyssey, except that the iPad wouldn’t attempt to kill me or take over my life. It would just make my bed and be a true friend.
  • No shoulder support. It would appear that the iPad is really just an enormous, Shaq-sized iPod. With an iPod this large, I want to wear jam pants and carry it on my shoulder through the mall, pumping out the tunes, like an old boom box. But there’s no shoulder support. Come on Apple, looks aren’t everything.
  • No bulletproof anything. Okay can we be honest for a second? For what it does, the iPad is enormous. Almost like a police riot shield. If I’m going to carry it around, shouldn’t I at least be able to block a bullet with it as well? But I didn’t see one mention of bullet proof casing on the specs.
  • No built in celebrity voices. You can read books on the iPad. Not impressive. I can read books on paper too. I want something that is going to read books to me, preferably in pre-recorded celebrity voices. I want to have Sean Connery reading the book Desiring God to me.

Okay, I’m done wigging out about the iPad.

Your turn. Are you impressed with the iPad?

  • http://twitter.com/MattRodatus @MattRodatus

    No. Not at all. Nothing compares to a printed book. I can underline in it, write in the margins if necessary, hold it in my hand, flip pages, and I can easily see how close I am to being done.

    I agree that not putting a flux capacitor in the iPad was a big mistake. I mean, come on. How hard would it be? You just add the flux capacitor and voila, right?

  • http://www.pillarontherock.com/ Chris Krycho

    Matt… it's not primarily an e-reader. It may do that, too, but it's not a Kindle-killer. It's more like the future of computing, in infancy. Cool idea, at this point. In ten years, I would venture we'll be seeing a LOT of this sort of thing, and of course Apple's approach is fairly juvenile by comparison to what we'll be seeing then. It's also the first thing of this sort that's going to have any sort of mass market appeal… and that's a big deal.

    I'm not buying one anytime soon, but you better believe I'm keeping my eye on where this tech goes.

  • Jessica

    LOL! love the critiques :-)

  • dfournier

    that was hilarious, Stephen!

  • Gerry

    1993 World Series; the Blue Jays won. Now that is a cruel joke to play on a Phillies fan.
    Joe Carter…ugh!

    gerry

  • http://bondchristian.com/ bondChristian

    Strangely, i don't have an opinion about it yet. I don't even know much about it, which again is somewhat strange.

    The twitter jokes about the name were funny, though some were quite crude. Creating a trending ITampon says a lot.

    -Marshall Jones Jr.

  • http://www.trillfitnessonline.com Trillia

    That was so funny! I personally love the definition of "wigging"!