Stuff 60-Year Olds Like

Yesterday I turned 60.  There’s lots to like about being 60.  For example:

Saying things like “Dagnab it!  Where’d I put that consarn hearing aid?”

Wearing glasses from the 80′s with lenses that could cover frying pans.

Playing the “When I was your age” card.  “When I was your age we didn’t have iPhones.  We had to talk into tin cans connected by string – and we LIKED it!”  “When I was your age, we didn’t have things like that newfangled Wii contraption.  We had to use actual baseball bats and leather covered balls – and we LIKED it!”

Collapsing time.  You say, “When I broke my ankle 2 years ago…” and your kids say, “Dad, that was back in 1987.”

Calling any man younger than you “young fella.”

Calling groups of people “outfits,” as in, “What’s the name of that outfit that does that Viva La Vino Song?” or “What’s the name of that outfit that CJ fella heads up?”

Saying things like, “Death Cab For Cutie!  What kind of a dagnab name for an outfit is that?  When I was a kid, bands had names that made sense, like The Strawberry Alarm Clock and The Lemon Pipers, and the 1910 Fruitgum Company.”

Spending 10 minutes pushing every button on the remote, saying “What’s wrong with this dagnab TV contraption?” until your son says, “Dad, that’s the DVD remote.”

Telling the same stories over and over to the same people.

Walking into the room and having no idea what you came in there for.

Jogging in extra short jogging shorts and white knee-high tube socks.

Ordering from the Senior Citizen Menu in Perkins Pancake House, and saying to the waitress, “I can show you my license if you need proof that I’m a senior citizen.”

Using the words “irk” and “ilk.”  “You know what irks me?  Outfits like Death Cab For Cutie and others of their ilk.”

Anybody have anything else to add?  Maybe things that you like (if you’re 60 or older) or things 60-year olds you know like?

Photo: Kristi Altrogge with old man by Beth Altrogge