The time has come to give you the details of my upcoming book, so that you in turn can help me with the book.
In October, 2009 I signed a contract with Crossway Books to write a book tentatively titled The Greener Grass Conspiracy: Finding Contentment On Your Side of the Fence. The book, as I hope is obvious from the title, is about learning to be truly content in Christ in all circumstances. The book will probably be published in the Spring of 2011.
It’s not the memoir of a man who has the contentment thing figured out. It’s written by a discontent man learning what it means to find contentment in Christ.
I am currently finishing up the rough draft of my manuscript and I need your help. Would you mind answering one question? It will help me as I think through the various applications of the book. You can answer anonymously if you wish.
The question is: What currently makes you unhappy or has made you unhappy in the past?
Thanks for your help. I’d also appreciate it if you would share this on Twitter and Facebook so others could answer as well. Thanks!
{ 39 comments… read them below or add one }
Watching the lives of those around me fall apart – through divorce, arrogance, lack of God…
Lately I've watched the people I love be destroyed because of a true lack of commitment and essentially self-centeredness. It really hurts to see 10-20 year marriages destroyed because someone isn't willing to fight any longer. I constantly wonder if they had centered their marriages around God first and then each other would they be in this place now?
Silence from God after praying about the same thing for years and years and still not getting an answer.
When I do not receive what I think I deserve or what I think I truly need. Also, I am unhappy when I allow other things to sit on the throne of my heart.
I second everything Doug said. Same here.
Not being able to break free from sins I have been struggling with for years.
Disappointment: in me, in God, in others. High expectations, or even small expectations, not being met. This is the thing I struggle with the most.
My greatest struggle with contentment came with the gift of infertility. I call it a gift now because the waiting exposed my heart. I thought I was in control. When I found out that I was not a whole knew walk of dependence on God and an end of self-sufficiency began. It was for me a "don't waste your infertility" journey much as John Piper has written about "don't waste your cancer." Elizabeth Elliot's writings were very helpful to me on this topic, especially Keep A Quiet Heart and The Path Through Suffering. Keep writing!!
Trying to be a godly wife to an unloving husband. My discouragement only reveals my selfishness of expecting something in return. Realization of that sin leads to disappointment in myself.
This is a tough spot to be in. I know; I've been there. Of course, you feel discouragement–that's not a selfish thing. God has designed us to love and be loved in marriage. It's natural and right to have these expectations. However, as you I both know, that all too often doesn't happen-even in marriages where both partners are Christians. Don't turn your disappointment in your marriage onto yourself. God understands; what father wants his daughter to be unloved in her marriage? Keep turning to Him for strength, guidance, and, above all, love. Go to youtube, search Tenth Avenue North "By Your Side" and "Love is Here." I believe these songs will minister to you as they have to me. Will be praying for you.
Unmet expectations make me unhappy, and have made me even more unhappy in the past. When I believe that people should behave in some particular way and they don't, I have allowed myself to become unhappy. This is a struggle for me, especially where my family of origin is concerned. In my head, I want "The Waltons", and when my family acts like my family, I become unhappy. I had this struggle with my husband as well, but through the love of Jesus, it has passed into contentment with who he is. For some reason, it is harder to love my brothers as the flawed people they are.
I'm unhappy any time I let relationships or activities or things become greater/more important than Christ in my life. I expect them to satisfy me, and they leave me empty-handed.
Over the last several years, our greatest unhappiness and greatest hurt was due to unmet expectations and disappointments with those in church leadership – where the Gospel was exchanged for a "tickling of the ears," where church became a social club, and where church leadership became driven by an "us against them" mentality. I have great sympathy for those who,because of situations like those I've described, avoid church completely. It's not right, but I do understand.
But unhappiness and discontentment can be great motivators. When we were close to giving up, the Lord used our discontentment and disappointment as push us to continue seeking out a church where the Gospel is preached with great boldness, compassion, and love. By His grace, we are now members in just such a church. So although those years were hurtful, we are thankful for the outcome – the Lord reaffirmed how essential it is to sit under sound teaching.
Maybe this is too James 4 of me…but I am unhappy when I don't get what I desire. If I get what I desire, I'm happy. When I don't, I'm not. For me, it's as simple as that.
It makes me unhappy when people call themselves a Christian and then disregard the clear teaching of Scripture. Their disobedience grieves God and often affects other people.
Contentment in singleness is easily the biggest thorn in my side.
When my expectations aren't met.
Nothing is more disconcerting and bothersome than when things don't go the way I think they will. Especially when there's an anticipation factor; when results run counter to plans I have made. The greater the extensiveness of those plans, the greater the irritation.
I have found this to be the cause of most arguments (fights) too.
What makes me unhappy often times when I sit and think for a period of time. When I sit a dwell on how my life does not look the way I want it to look or thought it would look at this point in life. When I look at my family and and the many problems that are still going on such and an alcoholic mother, drug abuse within my immediate family, with many other issues. I am unhappy when I look at myself in the mirror because I am not happy with the way I look and I know I did this to myself. Also I get unhappy because seeing how all my friends have graduate college and I am still pushing through it because of finances. I wish sometimes that my life would look differently. Even in the midst of all this making me unhappy I am fighting to see Christ in it and even though there are many times of discontentment Christ always brings me back to himself.
unhappy: tension in relationships, not having right relationships, injustice (in schools and government), corruption. not understanding why God works in some people's lives to open their eyes to see and follow him and others he doesn't….like Esau….the story of Esau makes me very sad.
Totally agree with the people who said long unanswered prayer, long struggles with sin with no growth seen, and contentment in singleness.
Also I think jealously is often the heart of my discontent, because I am a very competitive person and I get very jealous of friends who are excersizing beautiful gifts or seeming to grow much more than I am, friends who know so much more about the Bible or seem to have a more satsifying relationship with God. Basicly I get very discontent when I see God blessing others, rather than rejoicing in the good he is giving them. It is very self-centered.
Thank you for all these helpful comments. Please continue posting…
This is quite a hard post and comments to read 'cause the points raised are things we all feel and for myself, remind me of discontentment. Yet it's really 'real', and can be an encouragement in perservering in Christ no matter what is going on…I say that to remind myself to perservere…
Things that make me unhappy:
- When God doesn't answer prayers you've been praying for YEARS, most of them being issues that affect you everyday.
- Not seeing people close to you coming to know Jesus, then other people do.
- Singleness – not feeling ready for marriage and having fear of marriage, yet wanting it as well. Unhappy that God doesn't change me.
- Lack of close Godly friends and lack of discipleship/mentoring, accountability and Godly support from older/wiser people.
- Lack of trust in God's goodness, and lack of trust in His sufficiency in the cross.
- Lack of passion for Jesus….
Quite a painful list to write, but as I was listening to earlier,
"My sin, oh the bliss! of this glorious thought!
My sin not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more!
Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, oh my soul!
…It is well with my soul."
God bless.
for me, contentment seems to be an underlying struggle no matter what the season. finances has often been a big area of discontentment. trusting that God knows my needs and will meet them. being content with what I have as opposed to spending what I don’t have for what I don’t need. another area i’ve struggle with discontentment is with my health and body. Having fought sickness and pain for years, it is hard at times to see that God has a loving purpose behind it all. and when I’m tempted to think God is not loving, I struggle with being content where He has placed me. I often struggle with contentment with relationships… with broken relationships that I long to see restored. Its hard to see how unrestored relationships between Christians can be an area that God is using for good, and again, since I don’t understand, I struggle with being content in those situations. I struggle with contentment when I ask and God doesn’t seem to answer. or hear. or care. so, for me, contentment typically boils down to a lack of trust in God’s character. When I’ve rested there, I’ve been content in horrible situations. but when I am not resting there, the most perfect day is a day where I can find something to complain about.
1. Depression.
2. Not having the resources (energy, time, money) to fulfill my God-given responsibilities.
3. Not enough time with the people I love.
Not meeting the standards that I have place for myself.
Three main sources of discontent:
- still single
- still fighting (or not) many of the same sins I have for the last 5 years, feeling like a hypocrite for projecting an unrealistic image of spiritual maturity
- job pays well, but seems meaningless (I document things nobody is ever likely to care about)
By God's grace, usually I remember how the Bible addresses all these issues and find my satisfaction in God, but when I fail to do so, the above are the common culprits.
Ditto Jakob above, and not getting the leisure time I sometimes feel like I 'deserve'.
The lack of biblical teaching in church, I'm not into ear tickling and not finding Christian
friends who have a deep love and affection for Jesus Christ and The Word of God.
But thanks Elaine for the encouragement my search for a solid Gospel preaching church has
begun and I'm confident He will bring me to the right place
Not being able to choose for my dreams to become a reality:
Needing to work outside the home when I want to be a stay-at-home mom
Infertility
Not being able to afford to live independently from outside financial and/
or other assistance
Strained family relationships and misunderstandings/having failed family expectations
Wanting like-minded friends and mentors and not finding any
Trying to find time and space for my personal projects, and being too busy or tired to get motivated to do them
Feeling as though God is not using my talents/gifts in ministry or even a profession that befits my temperament and abilities
Failing to live up to goals I set for developing spiritual disciplines and holiness, even though I ask God for help constantly
Having no goals or vision or interest in life and being unable to find any.
Well, I'm a 16-year-old girl, and I think that especially for teen girls my age (though I'm sure for all females and even males) discontentment really displays itself in the area of physical looks. It's so hard to be happy with how God made me because of these perfect looking models I see in catalogs and advertisements and even when looking at pretty girls I know in real life because I'll start comparing myself to them. That will make me jealous, discontent, and discouraged by the way I look.
Not to mention that's when my focus goes away from God, and I start thinking more and more about how to improve my looks. Normally, I don't read beauty/celebrity magazines, but whenever I do, I'll catch myself looking in the mirror throughout the day wishing and hoping in my heart that other people see me as beautiful. But because I'm saved by the cross of Christ, I know that I have His beauty, and I also know that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, and that outside beauty will fade but inward beauty is what will last. I just forget sometimes…
I get unhappy when I lose sight of the fact that God must have deliberately put me in this horrible situation for a good reason and display of his glory – aka Naomi and Ruth's story!
What else?
Sin in myself
Repeated sin in myself
Over-commitment
Not enough devotional time with God, feeling like my 40 hours a week are stolen by job!
Parents getting into serious debt when they should be getting into retirement
I "feel" unhappy when I have chosen to walk in the flesh rather than obeying my Lord. Obedience is so much better than sacrifice. My own way leads to a stained conscience and I hate it. But it reminds me each time that I am in terrible need of Him and I run to my only help, so that is good!
I generally find myself being discontent over lots of silly things. Whenever I examine it, I usually realize that it's frustration as a result of relying on my own strength to accomplish things rather than relying on and putting my trust in God. Sadly, this is often, but the Spirit gives me hope by reminding me that old habits aren't broken overnight.
what makes me (or has made me) unhappy? learning how to deal with physical abuse from my past. learning how God’s power and sovereignty applies to that situation. learning to trust Him that it wasn’t a mistake…
Discontentment–big word in my life, or at least, it has been. I'm slowly learning to trust in the omniscient power of my Heavenly Father who knows my needs and desires even before I do. BUT there is still one area with which I am struggling. I have spent and am spending a lot of time, energy, and money on an education and God-given talents that are not being used, causing a financial strain on my family. Instead of helping me, I find the education/talents are often an hindrance in my life. I have difficulty not crying out in confusion & discontentment, "Why?!"
I find that I am generally at the center of my own unhappiness. When I become very centered on me and my needs and what isn't happening for me, I sink into unhappiness. Self-centeredness and its trappings are at the core of past unhappiness. Joy and happiness require a concerted effort, a fight. Self pity and sadness seem to come quite naturally….
Contentment first came to me shortly after I was saved, when the Lord pointed out that I didn't always have to try to make things work out because *He* was the one who was in control. It was very comforting then as it is to me now. I have a lot of pain and stress in my life–chronic pain since I was a young child, three learning disabled children and the stresses involved with advocating for them at the schools…, and being in an abusive marriage. But He still sits on the throne and turns frustration, and emotional and physical pain into ways I'm more dependent on Him where He can provide for me. He is full of mercy, grace, and truth, and what better way to see it shine than in our calamities.
We discussed this question around the dinner table last night and the best answer came from my 2-year-old son:
Dad: "Josiah, what makes you unhappy?"
Josiah: "Sadness…..'cuz its not a very good thing."
Past sins plague me and plunge me from time to time into a state of fear, sadness and regret. I'm referring specifically to a time in my young adulthood when I wandered from the Lord. I am so unhappy when I dwell on this, and very angry with myself that I was so wayward. I wish I could stay focused on the joyous fact that the Lord never let me go, He meant for me to remain His and by His grace and to His glory, He brought me back to Himself and forgave me.
I also get very unhappy when I watch the news and I suffer over the broken, sinful, hurting world. For example, it is very hard for me to be content and happy when I know that right this minute, there are hungry, homeless, suffering people in Haiti. I really struggle with how to be "content" when suffering is all around. I think I feel guilty to be content and happy at the same time that I know these terrible things are going on. It seems like we might be too complacent and oblivious in that state.
Obviously I am having issues with finding and receiving the joy that is mine in Christ!