I’m all for the Olympics. I think it’s great that every two years, the world joins together to celebrate what matters most: Visa.
But, in all honesty, I think the Olympics could be improved a bit. Here are just a few suggestions:
Incorporate an aging classic rock band into the opening ceremony. I watched the opening ceremonies for a grand total of five minutes, and then changed the channel out of sheer boredom. I probably wouldn’t have changed the channel if Bon Jovi had been setting a guitar on fire. The Olympics could learn from the Super Bowl here.
Impose a minimum weight requirement of 250 pounds for all male figure skaters. Male figure skaters aren’t big guys, even if you include the 4o pounds of sequins that they wear. Thus it isn’t quite as difficult for them to pull off a triple axle. It would be much more interesting to see a 250 pound guy named ‘Larry’ try the same move.
Add rifles into events other than the biathlon. I’m not sure who decided that skiing and shooting a rifle would be a good idea, but it seems like it might work in other events too. Speed skating seems like a sport ready for rifles. So does figure skating, for that matter.
Play the ‘Chariots of Fire’ theme song before every event. I guarantee that every world record would be shattered if this simple practice were adopted.
Have Morgan Freeman to do all commentary. Morgan Freeman can make a documentary on dung beetles sound fascinating. I would watch curling if Morgan Freeman was calling the game.
If anyone on the International Olympic Committee happens to read this, please feel free to contact me for more suggestions.
What else would you add to this list?
{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }
Mullets and gaudy costumes aside, don’t you think it’s time we all stopped making fun of male figure skaters?
No? Anyone? Well, all right then. Please carry on.
Agreed Dave W.
Ski up the hill, now that would be a sport!
Isn't that already a sport, called cross country skiing?
Not really a sport or skiing. It's OK if you live in a small country I guess.
charles barkley and morgan freeman doing the commentary.
Oh man how could I forget Charles Barkley?
That's just TRRRRRRBBLLE TRRRRRRBBLLE
I thought that going back up the hill after doing the downhill would be a cool event. Also, I think we need to do something with the 30 minutes of commercials to the 5-10 minutes of coverage.
Yeah, let's ditch the commercials.
Spectators allowed to pummel lugers, bobsledders, and skiers with snowballs.
Yeah, that would definitely make it more challenging for the participants. But how would you keep riots from breaking out?
…If they had not only a winners stand but a losers stand. It would be in some desolate/remote area where all the disgruntled fans would hurl insults and old food at the people who finished last in each competition. That would make each event much more interesting. Not only would we care who won, but all eyes would be on the person who finished last. I Love this Idea!
Wow, that really is a fantastic idea. We really should highlight the worst losers.
Wow, that really is a fantastic idea. We really should highlight the worst losers.
Ski Jump over a tank of live sharks. It worked for the Fonz, right?
Noooo. When Fonzi jumped the shark that killed the show. We're trying to preserve the Olympics…
The British TV program "Top Gear" did a Winter Olympics special a few years back that included events like launching a Mini Cooper from a ski jump, driving SUV's with rifles instead of skiing, ice hockey with cars, etc. I think those ideas should be included.
Yeah, yeah, I see where you're going with this. I think explosions would be really appropriate as well.
The rifles idea reminded me of Hook, when the base runner gets shot. "Violent sport, baseball." What a phenomenal idea. What if, in figure skating for instance, the opposing Olympians were each given a paint ball gun with two paint balls in them that they could use at any point during the performance. This would make figure skating watchable. Almost. It would be awesome to see if the Americans and Brits would team up and agree not to shoot each other…and if everyone would communicate and shoot the Russians at the same time so they would absolutely be sure of wiping out. I would watch this.
With these kind of ideas I don't understand why you're not already on the Olympic Committee.
Re: point #1, there was a Bryan Adams sighting during the opening ceremonies. Not sure that counts, though some say he is the Springsteen of Canada.
Bryan Adams DOES NOT count. Unless he is accompanied by Bruce Springsteen.
Baseball bats are totally needed in the snowboard cross.
What about wiffle ball bats?
Here are some ideas:
1) Add boxing
2) Add basketball
3) Add wrestling
4) Add track & field
5) Have the guys from the History Channel's Pawn Stars do commentary and play-by-play
6) Nightly wrap-up with Simon Cowell
7) Move to summer
Snow and ice are for those who can't handle warmth and sunshine. Bleh!
I think moving to Summer is the best out of all those ideas…
Yeah…items 1-4 and 7 are already part of the Olympics—the Summer Olympics. Besides, the snow and ice are what adds to the challenge of real athletes. Anyone can handle warmth and sunshine.
Hey…quit dis-in on the figure skaters. Pound for pound they have more muscle, balance, speed, stamina, strength, and endurance than your other so-called "male-athletes." And since when did Bon Jovi become an aging classic rock band?! The Rolling Stones? Yeah! Aerosmith? Yeah! Bon Jovi is young—just like me. Stop trying to squelch my illusions of youth. : >
Tammy, I hate to say it but I don't think that figure skaters have as much muscle pound for pound as say, a boxer or an NFL running back. I could be wrong, but that's my guess…
Kill all who don't make it to the winners' podium. Well…do we want records broken or not?
Wow, that is pretty intense…
I DON'T want to see 250 pound men in skaters costumes. Sounds a bit scary
A few suggestions:
1. Concurrent events: For instance, ice dancing and hockey on the same rink at the same time. This would raise the level of difficuty significantly.
2. Speedskating down the bobsled track.
3. Allow body checking in every event, not just hockey.
4. Figure out a way to integrate basketball players with dodgeballs into the ski cross event.
5. Multiple bobsleds on the same track. At the same time. Kinda like NASCAR. On ice.
6. Require ski jumpers to land in giant pools of pudding.
Winter Olympics peoples: call me.
Two words: Polar bears.
Four words: Polar Bears in sequins.
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