As you probably know, I am somewhat of an expert in the field of “manpoints”, having written several extensive and well researched articles (see here and here).
However, in an effort to further the field of manpoints and help men everywhere, I’ve compiled a manpoints scorecard. With this scorecard, you can easily determine your Manliness Quotient (MQ) and identify areas for further growth.
Ladies, please pass this along to the man in your life. No need to say thank you.
Each of the following statements has an associated point value attached to it. At the end of the scorecard, sum up your points to determine your MQ.
The Manpoints Scorecard
Your jeans are appropriately loose, with no prefabricated rips or patches. (+1 point)
Your jeans are so tight that you require a system of levers and pulleys to help you put them on each morning. (-1 point)
You attended a Josh Groban concert in an effort to serve your wife/girlfriend. (+1 point)
You were in the front row and reached out to touch Josh Groban’s hand. (-1 point)
You wear a fanny pack. (-1 point)
You wear a fanny pack which contains a pistol and ninja stars. (+1 point)
Your Bible is safely secured in a Precious Moments Bible cover and has a handle which allows you to carry it like a purse. (-1 point)
Your Bible is covered in pure, unadulterated cowhide. (+1 point)
You call your pajamas “jammies”. (-1 point)
You’re a bit fuzzy on the line between clothes for church and clothes for sleeping (+1 point)
You own at least three power tools. (+1 point)
You own three power tools: an electric razor, a screwdriver, and a pencil sharpener. (-1 point)
Your usual order at Starbucks is a “tall skinny vanilla latte, extra foam, two pumps of caramel, and two splenda”. (-1 point)
You can chew your coffee. (+1 point)
You’ve ever read a novel where the main plot line involved a young Amish girl hopelessly in love with a non-Amish man, and how they overcame all barriers on the path to marriage. (-1 point)
You occasionally smell like an Amish horse barn. (+1 point)
You don’t like competition, and arrange all games so that everyone ends up a winner. (-1 point)
You turn everything into a competition, including your daughter’s birthday party.
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Okay, how did you do? I would encourage to talk about your MQ with the guys in your accountability group, and ask for their help.
Now I need you help. What would you add to the Manpoints Scorecard?
{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
Ah yes, the “loaded fanny pack.” Also known as the MANny pack. Well done, sir.
Never seen a John Wayne movie. (-10 points)
You've never seen a John Wayne movie?
I'm a huge John Wayne fan.
I was saying any guy that hasn't seen the Duke, it should be a serious deduction of man points.
Good one, All Trogg E.
Thanks Mr. Smith
The only time you ever cried at the moves was when they shot Ol' Yeller (+3_
I think even my dad cried when they shot Ol' Yeller. You're not human if you don't cry there.
You do all your own DIY (+5 points).
You do it as soon as your wife asks you (+10 points).
CLASSIC!! I'm putting this one up on FB!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Wearing a fanny pack at all should be reason to deduct points. It doesn't matter what's in it.
Come on, even if it has a pistol in it? I think even John Wayne might do that.
No!! John Wayne wear a fanny pack???? Haha! I don't think so…..
I'd have to agree – nothing can justify a fanny pack. Actually, at our last singles meeting, we unanimously agreed that fanny packs are at the top of the list of deal-breakers.
Sounds like your singles group needs some instruction on the value of the fanny pack. You can carry a Bible, pistol, and three tubes of chapstick in it.
Shaves on Saturdays (-1 point)
Fan of Broadway show tunes (-3 points)
Hmmm, Broadway tunes. Doesn't it depend on which Broadway tune we're talking about? What if it was Chuck Norris on Broadway?
In relation to the loose fitting jeans…what if you have no butt? how many points would that be worth??
Uhhhh, not sure how to answer that one.
In relation to the loose fitting jeans…what if you have no butt? how many points would that be worth??
There was an occasion where I was very pressed for time. So much, that I did not have time for a cup of coffee, though I needed one. What was I to do? I got the clever idea to take in a spoonful of coffee grounds and chew them, figuring it would work.
Yeah, it is a very bad idea to chew on coffee grounds, even if it does get you +1 point.
Yeah but you did it! You experienced it! You gained man points.
In the Army, we got MRE's (meals ready to eat) in them are one serving packets of Folgers Instant Coffee grounds. If you had night guard duty you would save these and if you started to get a little tired you would ad a drop of water and turn it into a gummy wad. you would then place that wad between your lip and gum and enjoy the pleasant flavor…. whether It was the caffeine or fighting the urge to not throw up, you stayed awake.
Ha! And you're as manly as they come.
( +1 point) Grilling the meat that you hunted, killed, and butchered yourself to a perfect medium rare.
(-1 Point) Grilling the Tofu that you special ordered from vegan-d-lite.com so it gets the pretty grill marks.
The Groban comment. Sounds like you had someone in mind? What man would sit in the front row of a JG concert, much less hold his hand? In the event that some poor bloke did that, how would you recommend that he earn back all the man points that he had managed to acquire in life (through wrestling, football, full contact spoons, brewing his own beer, smuggling spears from Africa, using one of those spears to hold a rowdy college buddy at bay, nearly eating a 2 lb burger in 1 hr (so close), eating a scorpion, etc.) and yet managed to squander away in “one moment of indiscretion”?
These man points can never be regained. They are lost forever.
Josh Groban is one of my favorite classical-pop singer after Hayley Westenra’*-