Introducing Pastoral Trading Cards

In the age of megachurch pastors, there’s only one thing missing: pastoral trading cards. Which is why it gives me great pleasure to introduce the first ever pastoral trading card set. In addition to having cards of their favorite athletes, kids can now have cards of their favorite pastor. I’ve included some samples to whet your appetite.

The John Piper Rookie “Necklace” Card

This card is the rarest and most valuable of all the pastoral trading cards. This card shows Dr. Piper just before he became a pastor, and is the only known photograph of Dr. Piper wearing a piece of jewelry other than a wedding ring.

The Mark Driscoll “Punchout” Card

Everyone knows that Mark Driscoll is a big fan of UFC, and the Mark Driscoll “Punchout” card shows Mark demonstrating his favorite UFC move, “The Holy Hammer”, on Dr. Piper. Experts are valuing this card at approximately 12 strips of bacon, which Mark Driscoll also loves.

The Mahaney/McArthur “Together for the Basket” Card

This card has collectors drooling. It clearly depicts C.J. Mahaney and John McArthur playing basketball together. C.J. often talks about sports from the pulpit, but this is the only known photograph of him actually doing it, and some experts have actually wondered whether he might have been photoshopped in by his wily assistant, Tony “Tractor Trailer” Reinke.

The Mark Dever “Karate” Card

This action packed card portrays Dr. Dever just before he karate chopped the ESV Study Bible (a stunt no one had successfully done up to that point).

Look for this gorgeous set of cards to be in the stores soon.

What cards would add to the set?

  • Miss Katie

    What about the Tim Keller / Captain Jean Luc Picard lookalike card?

    Or the Jonathan Rourke impersonates CJ Mahaney at T4G card?

    • @stephenaltrogge

      I like the Tim Keller idea. CJ could also be included in that lookalike.

      • Chris Land

        Keller and Mahaney could be twins. They are almost identical.

    • @kathybaptist

      LOL!!!! so accurate!! :)

  • @Ethan_Johnson

    The Matt Chandler Jump-Shot Card

    Or Pastor Tullian catching a pass

    • @stephenaltrogge

      Why is that these guys always look like they're playing sports?

  • Dave Wilson


    Back in the 90s, I worked on an advertising campaign for a line of trading cards featuring people from the Bible.

    I wish I were kidding.


    • @stephenaltrogge

      Wow, do you have any left over?

  • Alan Helfer

    Stephen, your depiction of these pastoral trading cards is hilarious. Aside from supplying us with thought provoking questions, you also manage to stir a belly laugh. And in me, that is not easy.


  • tyj

    note mega church pastors.

  • carlijean

    Here is a rapabout JMac that The Master's College student Ryan Francis made, and it show John MacArthur playing basketball. Viral among young Johnny Mac followers. :D

  • @stephenaltrogge

    wow, a CB Eder card would be cool. Think of all the great poses you could find him in…

  • David Stein

    I'm still mad at my mom for throwing out my shoebox full of Martin Lloyd Jones and Spurgeon rookies. I remember putting a NM (needs no explanation to the ones who are laughing) John Owen in the spokes of my Schwinn Apple Crate. Now my collection is down to this weird little Honus Wagner card. I wonder if it's worth anything.

  • Chris Land

    I want to see John MacArthur doing a jump shot. I know he is a great Bible teacher and author, but never knew him as a basketball player.

  • Petra Hefner

    Wait, I have 12 strips of bacon somewhere… I must have that card! Thanks, I needed a good laugh!

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  • Keith

    Brad Tower Rookie Card?

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  • faith2overcome


  • Brandon.

    mac arthur in this picture looks like an old man who maybe used to be a beast on the court but is now just ruining the game for everyone by insisting he can still ball. it'd be like phil jackson insisting he can still dominate the lane. "kobe, i can take Lamar." "no, Phil. sit down."

  • @BenKlar
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