Signature Snobbery

This is the age of techno-snobbery, and all the hipster companies include signatures after outgoing messages, like “Sent from my iPad,” or “Sent from my Blackberry.”

I’m almost ashamed to tell you, but someone recently blessed me with the gift of an iPad.  I almost feel guilty to own one, because I was a techno coveter before.  I’d go to Starbucks, unfold my old laptop like I was setting up a three-story scaffold, and look across the coffee shop at the cool person with the sleek computer with the glowing apple on it, and be ashamed of my techno-lowliness. When they flipped the lid of their sleek silver laptop, within nanoseconds they’d be investing on E-Trade, before my Jurassic period clunker would even recognize there was an internet server somewhere within a 20-mile radius.

If you don’t own an iPad or a Blackberry, you need not suffer the humiliation of techno-shame. You can still give the impression of being a hipster.  All you need to do is add the right signature to your email.  Here are some suggestions:

  • Sent from my Lunar Transponder
  • Sent from my Stealthtooth. Never mind that this device doesn’t exist; all your friends will be envious of you for having one.  When they see you and say they can’t see it in your ear, just smile and say, “Why do you think they call it ‘Stealthtooth?’”
  • Sent from my Treadmill. This gives the impression that even while working out, you’re doing email, which heaps mountains of guilt on your friends, because they’re not exercising, let alone doing email at the same time.

Here are 3 more signatures that will definitely impress:

  • Sent by my Chauffeur
  • Sent from my Hot Tub
  • Sent from my Private Table at the Country Club

And here’s a signature for the truly super-spiritual:

  • Sent from my iPray.  You can sound even more spiritual by adding “Day 6 of my fast.”

But in the end, it might be better to come across lowly and humble:

  • Sent from my old, slow, virus-infected desktop

Got any more ideas for impressive signatures?

* iPray drawing done on my iPad

  • @jasper2k1

    It is funny that you post on this topic. I was gifted an iPad too, and when I realized that the email signature gave that away, I changed the iPad's signature to match my phone. It just seemed a little pretentious.

    • MarkAltrogge

      Pretentious – THAT'S the word I was looking for!

  • John Kuvakas

    How about "sent from my Borg implant..we are online!"

    • MarkAltrogge

      Where can I order a Borg implant? Does the Apple Store have them?

  • Lee Gunter

    sent from my slightly used, low mileage Millenium Falcon

    sent from my PC. There are a few of us left.

    sent from my non-QWERTY, non touch screen phone. Took 95 minutes to type.

    sent from infinity and beyond! (if you happen to be Buzz Lightyear)

    And John … if you are also online, you have already been assimilated.

    • MarkAltrogge

      Lee, I think there's a future for you in signature composing.

  • educlaytion

    Great stuff bro! I'm gonna check out some more around these here parts. ~Sent from my dog's StealthTooth~

    • MarkAltrogge

      Hey edu,

      Your dog has a StealthTooth? Now that's going too far.

  • Josh Calvetti

    Hah, great post. Almost a bit convicting too- I ended up turning the signature on my iPad into one that simply read “-Josh Calvetti”. That way, I’m less inclined to boast. I can all too often get caught up in the latest technology.

    • MarkAltrogge

      Hey Josh,

      What? You get caught up in technology? I don't believe it.

  • B. Minich

    Nice! Did you beat Stephen in getting a gadget? If so, you should make fun of him as out of touch.

    • MarkAltrogge

      Yeah I finally beat him in getting a gadget. Unfortunately, he had to show me how to use it.

      • B. Minich

        Maybe your signature should read, "Sent from the iPad that I have and my supposedly tech savvy son does not."

        • MarkAltrogge

          I like the way you think Brando

  • Anam Cara

    Who keeps gifting these iPads and how can I meet this generous person?

    • MarkAltrogge

      Did I tell you that Steve Jobs is my cousin? If only….then maybe I'd have a new MacBook Air. Not that I'm craving more technology……

  • Kim Noble

    How about: "Sent from my 10-year-old who knows how to work this thing better than me." :)

    Anam Cara: funny!

    • MarkAltrogge

      That would be me as well, Kim. My son had to show me how to get the iPad to work….

  • spurgeon

    Sent from my iPod Shuffle

    • MarkAltrogge

      I didn't know there was such a thing. Now I want one.

  • Adam

    Couple I thought of: sent from the batmobile. Sent via ESP, please excuse errors and lack of thought.

    And I want a ipad given to me!!! Rock on guys!

    • MarkAltrogge

      Adam, maybe you can use ESP on a rich person and send them thoughts to buy you an iPad…

      • Adam Strawcutter

        YES! I will so Jedi mind trick them..hahaha

        • MarkAltrogge

          An iPad I hope they give to you

  • MarkAltrogge

    Thomas, you are obviously more spiritual than I am…

  • MarkAltrogge

    I agree, I deserve better. Get on Stephen's case. He should be buying me Apple products.

  • Drew Jones

    Sent from the future.

    • MarkAltrogge

      Are you in the future? What's it like there? Are there iPads?

  • Metzger

    Sent from my X-wing

    for all the Star Wars nerds

    • MarkAltrogge

      I don't remember anyone in Star Wars with an iPad….

  • Jen

    A lot of people at my company use "Sent from my BlackBerry", but they add "so message may be brief." I'm cool with that. It's primarily sellers, who are travelling, and they're doing their durndest to remain professional and stay on top of their e-mails, but they don't have room on that teeny smart phone screen to type a full-on, professional, flowery e-mail. Just the facts, ma'am.

  • Dan Kap

    OK, here's one I've used for a long time: Sent from a pay phone

    • MarkAltrogge

      I like it!