This is the age of techno-snobbery, and all the hipster companies include signatures after outgoing messages, like “Sent from my iPad,” or “Sent from my Blackberry.”
I’m almost ashamed to tell you, but someone recently blessed me with the gift of an iPad. I almost feel guilty to own one, because I was a techno coveter before. I’d go to Starbucks, unfold my old laptop like I was setting up a three-story scaffold, and look across the coffee shop at the cool person with the sleek computer with the glowing apple on it, and be ashamed of my techno-lowliness. When they flipped the lid of their sleek silver laptop, within nanoseconds they’d be investing on E-Trade, before my Jurassic period clunker would even recognize there was an internet server somewhere within a 20-mile radius.
If you don’t own an iPad or a Blackberry, you need not suffer the humiliation of techno-shame. You can still give the impression of being a hipster. All you need to do is add the right signature to your email. Here are some suggestions:
- Sent from my Lunar Transponder
- Sent from my Stealthtooth. Never mind that this device doesn’t exist; all your friends will be envious of you for having one. When they see you and say they can’t see it in your ear, just smile and say, “Why do you think they call it ‘Stealthtooth?’”
- Sent from my Treadmill. This gives the impression that even while working out, you’re doing email, which heaps mountains of guilt on your friends, because they’re not exercising, let alone doing email at the same time.
Here are 3 more signatures that will definitely impress:
- Sent by my Chauffeur
- Sent from my Hot Tub
- Sent from my Private Table at the Country Club
And here’s a signature for the truly super-spiritual:
- Sent from my iPray. You can sound even more spiritual by adding “Day 6 of my fast.”
But in the end, it might be better to come across lowly and humble:
- Sent from my old, slow, virus-infected desktop
Got any more ideas for impressive signatures?
* iPray drawing done on my iPad