Sometimes when I get bored I like to think about what the Christian headlines of the future will be. What will magazines like Christianity Today be saying in 25 years? Maybe something like this…
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TIM KELLER SIGNS ON TO PLAY YODA IN CHRISTIAN STAR WARS MOVIE
Hollywood – In an age of mega celebrity pastors, things have just gotten a whole lot bigger. This past Tuesday, the Christian movie company Big Fish Films announced that it would be producing a Christian version of the movie Star Wars, and that pastor Tim Keller has signed on to play the role of Yoda.
“We’re really excited that Dr. Keller has agreed to play Yoda,” said Mark Manelli, who will be directing the film. “First, of all, check out the resemblance. Is that crazy, or what? If you put a pair of glasses on Yoda they would look like twins. Second, Dr. Keller is crazy smart, just like Yoda. We’ve heard that he can make things explode just by using his mind, although we haven’t confirmed that yet.”
Manelli confirmed that the movie would actually be a condensed Christianized version of all six of the original Star Wars movies, and that other prominent pastors were being contacted about possibly starring the movie. “Yeah we’ve definitely got some leads,” said Manelli. “We’re in talks with Mark Driscoll about playing the role of the maverick pilot Han Solo, and Paul Tripp has tentatively agreed to play the role of Chewbacca. Together they will be great as the pilots of “The Millennium Dove”.
Erik Rolen, the president of Big Fish Films, confirmed that Joshua Harris had agreed to play the role of Frodo Baggins. He said, “We know that, technically Frodo Baggins was in The Lord of the Rings, but we had to find the right role for Joshua, a role that he could really explore, and the role of a hobbit seemed perfect. So we’ve decided to replace Ewoks with Hobbits. We think we can draw in more people that way.”
Manelli said, “We’ve also reached out to blogger Tim Challies about playing the role of the informative C-3PO, but haven’t heard back from him yet. Do they have email in Canada yet?”
When asked to comment on the films, George Lucas said, “I’m pretty sure that it will be better than the most recent Star Wars movies that I made. I mean seriously, what was I thinking with Jar-Jar Binks?”
The current budget for the film is $142, although Big Fish Films hopes to at least double the budget by the time filming starts. A release date for the film has not yet been set.
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I LQTM'd.
(Laughed quietly to myself.) That was great!
As my oh-so-cheesy dad would say, "That guy's a trip…and you ain't even gotta go anywhere." Wonk wonk…
LQTM – I like that.
haha like Yoda, Keller even has only three fingers
Well played Stephen. I had a good chuckle (possibly a chortle) at the last paragraph.
Glad you got a chortle.
Millennium Dove…heh heh heh…..:D
I have a bad feeling about this. May the Spirit be with you!
I spent a great deal of my lifetime as a Christian in a non-denominational/charismatic background but have been in a reformed church for six years. What's interesting is that my friends from the charismatic background today would have no clue why this is funny. They don't know who Tim Keller is or Mark Driscoll. They know Bryan Houston and Robert Morris and Chris Hodges.
It's interesting how each niche has its celebrities. As your well-done satire points out, something's weird about it either way.
Yeah isn't that weird how each niche has their own celebrity pastors? Funny…
Brilliant.
You know, oddly enough, I AM filming a Christian version of Star Wars… For giggles mind you.
But Tim Keller I could see as maybe older Obi Wan…
replacing Ewoks with Hobbits… hahahahah