In Celebration of Discovery Channel’s Shark Week we are pleased to present the first in our new line of Inflatable Shark Lawn Ornaments.
Now you don’t have to wait for Halloween and Thanksgiving to fill your yards with bloated pieces of plastic, you can do it right now in the heat of summer.
These gigantic, colorful, durable sharks will be the hit of your neighborhood. They light up from the inside at night, and will keep everyone awake until fall when you put up your Freddy Halloween ornaments. They not only light up, but they have a motion detector setting, which causes them to suddenly light up when someone walks nearby. What fun you’ll have watching your sharks burst into light and scare the wits out of unsuspecting neighbors on their evening walks.
First we have what we call “Polaris,” a Great White launching himself out of foaming water, mouth open, teeth bared. “Polaris” plays the “Jaws” theme, then rolls over and looks at you with black lifeless eyes. It doesn’t get any more fun than this.
Next we have “Tip Of My Tongue,” a 12-ft tall shark about to chomp down on a Brown Seal. What better way to teach our children the harsh realities of life? All the parents in the neighborhood will thank you. If your kids disobey, all you have to say is “Do you want Daddy to put you in place of the seal?” You’ll be blessed at how obedient they are.
Keep an eye on your neighbors with “Mr. Hammerhead,” which comes equipped with wide angle camera lenses in each eye. The head rotates, so Mr. Hammerhead (and you) can follow every thing your neighbors do. You’ll be singing, “Every breath you take, And every move you make, Every bond you break, Every step you take, Ill be watching you.”
Finally, so that people don’t get the wrong impression that sharks are mean, we have “Mr. Happy Shark.” See, he’s smiling. He’s happy. He’s smiling boys and girls, because he’s just about to eat you.
Order your inflatable shark lawn ornaments today. Each one is a steal at $399.00. Order today and we’ll send you absolutely free our 10-ft tall inflatable Jelly Fish, with real poison tentacles. The neighborhood kids won’t be able to resist playing in them – until they’re covered with painful welts! Hours and hours of neighborhood laughter.




{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
I'll have to go with the hammerhead because I love the song.
Thanks for the laugh!
I always liked that song too even though it seems to be about a stalker….thanks Elaine!
I love it when you put your artist skills to work. I still my want Mahaney-Elf for Christmas.
Thanks yitzhaklee! We still have a few of those elfs available.
Now if you ever do a life size Hammerhead that SINGS Every Breath You Take you have a sale!
Nice illustrations – did you do them Mark?
We'll incorporate that into the next model. Yeah I did the illustrations – thanks Matt.
People who know you can see and enjoy the humor here, but others who happen to stumble upon this may get the wrong idea and get discouraged about a Pastor apparently trying to make money off of people. Not meant as criticism, just an observation.
Hi Les, thank you for your comments. I was not really serious about anything in the post. But if you know anyone who has struggled with it please let me know. I’d really appreciate that. Thanks for caring enough to write.