Asexuality and the Feeling Of Being Fractured

photo by jinterwas

Yesterday I read an interesting and somewhat odd article about the asexuality movement. According to the article, a person who is asexual is “defined by an absence of sexual attraction.” David Jay is the spokesman for the asexuality movement and has founded an online community called the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network, which exists to raise awareness and provide support for those who identify as being asexual.

My first thought when I read the article was, is it really necessary to form a community that identifies itself as being asexual? If you don’t want to have sex, then don’t have sex. There is nothing necessarily wrong or sinful about that choice. Not wanting to have sex may seem odd, but it’s not fundamentally wrong.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the asexuality movement reveals something profound about all of us: we feel fractured.

Before Adam and Eve sinned they lived in perfect harmony with God and with one another. They felt unified with each other and they experienced the immediate presence of God. They knew what it meant to belong and to feel accepted. But when they sinned against God their closeness, unity, and intimacy were fractured. Their sin created a vast, uncrossable chasm between them and the Lord, and it drove a thick wedge between Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve no longer experienced the nearness of God, and their intimacy with each other was shattered.

All of us feel the fracture created by Adam and Eve. All of us have a deep sense of exclusion and needing to belong to something or someone. We feel the break in our relationships with others and in our relationship to God. We know that the fracture exists but we don’t know how to fix it. That’s why we constantly form tribes and alliances and support groups. We want to belong to something and feel accepted by someone. Speaking of his sexuality, David Jay said, “For a couple of years I just assumed that I was broken.”

David Jay knows what it means to feel excluded and broken and cut off. By forming AVEN he is trying to mend the fracture, to repair the break, to feel accepted and loved. The only problem is that a support group can never truly heal the division. It’s like putting a bandaid on a broken bone. There is only one person who can cross the great divide between us and God and only one person who can mend the deep the division in our relationships with other.

By his death on Good Friday and his resurrection three days later, Jesus has crossed the divide for us and is bringing us together as his people. Ephesians 2:12-14 highlights this beautifully:

…remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility…

Jesus is the great healer. In him, the fracture is being mended. Our brokenness is being healed. Our exclusion is being repaired. I once was far off from God but now I have been brought near. I once was excluded from the people of God but now the dividing wall of hostility has been torn down. I am now a son of God, and heir with Christ, and a member of God’s family.

Easter is a reminder that God has begun to heal the fracture that ripped the world apart. The break is being mended, the division being repaired! Someday, when Jesus returns, we will again be in the immediate presence of God. There will be no sense of exclusion, no sense of alienation. Everything will be made right again. I’m so looking forward to that day.

I hope that this Easter David Jay experiences the deeper healing available in Christ.

  • Pixie

    As a Christian, and an asexual person, I'm not really sure what you're getting at here. Prior to discovering what asexuality was, I felt broken – and yes, I did pray about it and ask for God's help. And I truly believe He led me to find the asexual community. And that community is what helped me feel less broken, because other people felt the same way and it was a real thing!

    Identifying as asexual, appreciating the community that can bring AND having a relationship with God are not mutually exclusive things – I am not replacing God's role in my life with the asexual community. I don't need God to heal me of being asexual, because it's not a problem or a thing that causes me distress anymore. It's just a thing that I am. The sense of alienation I experienced was not from God, but from society, and deepening my relationship with God couldn't fix that. It could make me stronger in myself, but it didn't fix the relation to society in the way finding the asexual community did.

    Honestly, reading this I feel like you had an idea about relationships with God and decided to link it to something topical, and it just…well, doesn't need linking – it doesn't fit.

  • LCG

    I'm sorry, but I think this connection is incredibly weak and your conclusion simplistic. I know that Jesus is the great healer, but he often uses others in support networks to heal, and I think you're totally ignoring that point. Why do groups like Alcoholics Anonymous work when years of "rehab" don't? The simple power of one sufferer helping another. I'm not asexual, but I have a close friend who is and I'm sure her healing process would be greatly accelerated if she found the right support group.

    • LEM

      Yeah hi- your friend doesn't need healing. She'd feel distressed about her situation if she did. Asexuality isn't a mental disorder or medical condition. It's an orientation that has only just recently begun to be recognized as such. My advice: Do your friend a favor and do your homework before assuming she needs "healing" of any kind. Chances are she feels happier and more whole than ever now that she understands more about who she is.

  • LEM

    Oh-kaaay…You took this article down and then reposted it for some reason? What?
    Anyway, I'm an asexual Christian and I don't understand the point you're trying to make here. Are you saying that aces are "broken" and will never truly be fixed unless they find God? Because I'm living proof that such a contention is flawed. I chose to be baptized long before I even knew asexuality was an orientation. (at that point I was still assuming I was heterosexual since there was no evidence that I was bi or a lesbian) For years before then (and since) I had lived life feeling like an outcast because I just couldn't relate to people the same way my friends could, and I didn't understand why. But now that I've come to terms with my inherent ace-ness, so many aspects of my life actually make sense. I feel more content and complete now than I ever did. No "support group" ever drove me to find God – God led me to find the asexual community. And I feel truly blessed for that.

  • Pingback: Commentary on an Ignorant Article | I'm Ace, ask me how!