NEW YORK (Reuters): A new study released by the Gallup Group revealed that 95% of all nerdy white Christian men say that they “strongly dig rap music, yo”.
“We were pretty surprised by the results of the study,” said Thomas Menchen, leader of the study. “When you think of the white, nerdy, Christian demographic, you don’t usually think of rap music. You think of books like Systematic Theology and artists like Michael Card and Fernando Ortega. But for some unexplainable reason, white nerdy Christians are flocking to Christian rap. We suspect that John Piper is somehow responsible, although we can’t prove that yet.”
Timothy Green, who participated in the study, said, “Yeah man, when I listen to Lecrae on the way to work I get so fired up! I’m like, ‘Yeah booiiii, let’s do some computer programming for Christ! True dat!’ My coworkers think I’m a total wild gangsta. I’m thinking about putting some chrome rims on my Toyota Camry.”
Ian Keller, who also participated in the study, said, “I can really relate to the music. I didn’t exactly grow up in the hoods, but we all come from a hood of sorts. You know, my dad worked like 50 hours a week, and when you combine that with my soccer practices and trying to fit in on the marching band, it was rough. When Trip Lee belts out those phat rhymes, I’m like, ‘Yeah dog, we be chillin!’ I like to listen to his music when I read Grudem and Carson for my devotions.”
Pastor Dan Carson said, “I listen to Flame before I preach a sermon. I put on my noise canceling headphones, sit in my office, and get psyched up. When I get to the pulpit I am seriously pumped up. Plus, it helps me connect with the more urban members of my congregation. Instead of saying, ‘You struggle with sin,’ I say, ‘You be fallin’ over your sin like you was ballin’ in the gym.’ It really resonates with people.”
Thomas Menchen said, “Honestly, this study throws all sociology to the wind. We plan on releasing a follow up study next month.”
John Piper could not be reached for comment.