New Study Finds That 95% Of Nerdy White Christian Men Claim to Love Rap


NEW YORK (Reuters): A new study released by the Gallup Group revealed that 95% of all nerdy white Christian men say that they “strongly dig rap music, yo”.

“We were pretty surprised by the results of the study,” said Thomas Menchen, leader of the study. “When you think of the white, nerdy, Christian demographic, you don’t usually think of rap music. You think of books like Systematic Theology and artists like Michael Card and Fernando Ortega. But for some unexplainable reason, white nerdy Christians are flocking to Christian rap. We suspect that John Piper is somehow responsible, although we can’t prove that yet.”

Timothy Green, who participated in the study, said, “Yeah man, when I listen to Lecrae on the way to work I get so fired up! I’m like, ‘Yeah booiiii, let’s do some computer programming for Christ! True dat!’ My coworkers think I’m a total wild gangsta. I’m thinking about putting some chrome rims on my Toyota Camry.”

Ian Keller, who also participated in the study, said, “I can really relate to the music. I didn’t exactly grow up in the hoods, but we all come from a hood of sorts. You know, my dad worked like 50 hours a week, and when you combine that with my soccer practices and trying to fit in on the marching band, it was rough. When Trip Lee belts out those phat rhymes, I’m like, ‘Yeah dog, we be chillin!’ I like to listen to his music when I read Grudem and Carson for my devotions.”

Pastor Dan Carson said, “I listen to Flame before I preach a sermon. I put on my noise canceling headphones, sit in my office, and get psyched up. When I get to the pulpit I am seriously pumped up. Plus, it helps me connect with the more urban members of my congregation. Instead of saying, ‘You struggle with sin,’ I say, ‘You be fallin’ over your sin like you was ballin’ in the gym.’ It really resonates with people.”

Thomas Menchen said, “Honestly, this study throws all sociology to the wind. We plan on releasing a follow up study next month.”

John Piper could not be reached for comment.

  • joanna

    Thanks for the laugh,

    On a more serious note though, I do think the popularity of Christian hip-hop is an interesting sociological phenomenon.

    • Stephen Altrogge

      Yes it is!

  • Richie

    Funny and entertaining post. But I'm a little concerned that those who did actually grow up in the difficult circumstances of the hood may be offended by your making light of it. (Note: I did NOT grow up in the hood, so I won't pretend to speak informatively on what it's like.)

    • Stephen Altrogge

      Hey Richie! I wasn't trying to make fun of those who really did grow in the hood or any other difficult circumstance. I was trying to make fun of nerdy white guys like myself who had an easy childhood who say that they identify with the lyrics. Does that make sense?

  • jblaha

    …probably because there's more theology (systematic and practical) in one rap than in most songs from other genres.

    • Stephen Altrogge


  • John Gardner

    I'm a nerdy white Christian guy who proudly admits my love of Christian hip-hop. In fact, I direct a choir of 4th-6th graders (most of whom have nerdy, white Christian dads) that will be singing/rapping a Shai Linne song in service next Sunday night. Pretty excited about that!

  • Nicole McLernon

    Fantastic. Really quite fantastic.

  • Sam

    Check out the beginning of this mix tape from Da Truth by Sam Smite!!!! You guessed it John Pipizzle!!!! lol

  • Dave Wilson


    I'm in the 5% of nerdy white guys who prefer "crunkcore" from Family Force 5. It's theologically light, but largely immature.

    That said, I do like to drop some phat Shai Linne gimmicks from time to time.


    • zeldaniac7

      I laughed pretty hard at this. I, as a nerdy white guy, frequently turn to metalcore. (But I TOTALLY look like a metalhead. <sarcasm>)

  • Gareth

    assuming the rapping is reformed, this is probably true

  • Andrew

    "I was trying to make fun of nerdy white guys like myself who had an easy childhood who say that they identify with the lyrics."

    Do you listen to much christian rap? I don't see many of them touting "being a wild gangsta and putting chrome rims on their Camry".

    I think most of us listen to CHH because it is a better vehicle for the dissemination of truth than all this folky, stripped down, Sufjan Stevens stuff that you white people listen to. :)

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  • Devorah

    That was funny. Thanks.