Dear Moms, Jesus Wants You To Chill Out

FACT: If your children can’t read by age four there is a 95% chance they will end up homeless and on drugs.

FACT: If your children eat any processed food there is an 85% chance they will contract a rare, most likely incurable disease, by age 12.

FACT: If  you’re not up at dawn reading the Bible to your children, you are most likely a pagan caught in the clutches of witchcraft.

FACT: If your children watch more than 10 minutes of television a day there is 75% chance they will end up in a violent street gang by age 17.

Obviously, the “facts” listed above are not true (at least, I don’t think they are). But, I’ve noticed that the Internet has made it much easier for people, and moms in particular, to compare themselves to each other. Now, just to be clear, this is not a post against “mom blogs”, or whatever they’re called. If you write a mom blog, that’s cool with me. This is a post to encourage the moms who tend to freak out and feel like complete failures when they read the mom blogs and mom Facebook posts.

Moms, Jesus wants you to chill out about being a mom. You don’t have to make homemade bread to be a faithful mom. You don’t have to sew you children’s clothing to be a faithful mom. You don’t have to coupon, buy all organic produce, keep a journal, scrapbook, plant a garden, or make your own babyfood to be a faithful mom. There’s nothing wrong with these things, but they’re also not in your biblical job description.

Your job description is as follows:

  • Love God. This simply means finding some time during the day to meet with the Lord. It doesn’t have to be before all the kids are awake. It doesn’t have to be in the pre-dawn stillness. Your job is to love God. How you make that happen can look a million different ways.
  • Love your husband (unless you’re a single mom, of course). Your second job is to love and serve your husband. Husbands are to do the same for their wives, but that’s for a different post. If your husband really likes homemade bread, maybe you could make it for him. But don’t make homemade bread simply because you see other moms posting pictures of their homemade bread on Facebook.
  • Love your kids. Your calling as mom is to love your kids and teach them to follow the Lord. They don’t need to know Latin by age six. If they do, more power to you. But that’s a bonus, not part of the job description. Your job is simply to love your kids with all your exhausted heart, and to teach them to love Jesus. That’s a high calling. Don’t go throwing in other, extraneous things to make your life more difficult. If you want to teach your kids to sew, great. But don’t be crushed by guilt if your kids aren’t making stylish blazers by the age of 10.

Moms, Jesus want you to rest in him. He wants you to chill out. His yoke is easy and his burden is light. Don’t compare yourself to other moms. Don’t try to be something God hasn’t called you to be. If the mom blogs are making you feel guilty, stop reading them. Be faithful to what he has truly called you to do, and know that he is pleased with you. When your kids are resting, don’t feel guilty about watching an episode of “Lost”, or whatever your favorite show may happen to be.

Love God, love your husband, love your kids. Keep it simple and chill out.

+photo by pedrosimoes7

Comments

  1. says

    Wonderful. Thank you. I think it's human nature to compare ourselves to others (not just for moms), BUT as moms it seems we are weighed down with the pressure of knowing that we are responsible for the growth, development, and well-being of new little people on this earth. It's easy to feel like one little "slip-up" will have lasting effects. On top of that, there are a gajillion voices (often from conflicting opinions) telling us what we should or shoudn't be doing. It's really easy for even the most confident and capable of women to get crushed under that pressure. Thanks for reminding us to refocus on what's really important.

  2. says

    Love! :) "For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise." 2 Corinthians 10:12
    -Sporadic writer of a non-condemning mommy blog.

  3. says

    Thanks for this reminder. It's so easy to major on the minors when it comes to raising our kids because sometimes the majors can feel so outside of our control.

  4. Gissel says

    thank you for this post reminding all of us that God has everytjing and everyone under control. i pray daily to become the best mom and wife as i possibly can.

  5. Kathy Conradi says

    Thank you for posting such a reassuring post. I do know moms who are superwomen and manage to do it all, and I am happy to cheer them on. I used to compare myself to others and worry that I wasn't somehow living up to what was for me impossible. Then I realized that other people didn't have my kids, and that as long as I kept my priorities straight.. and you are absolutely right.. walking in love for God, my husband and my kids is job 1, the rest can ebb and flow.. some days I do a great job and other days I am completely overwelmed. But I am still not a bad mom if the laundry is piled high or the papers didn't get to school on time. My kids won't remember how much work I put into doing for them, but they will remember if I was too busy for them.. even if that business was to do for them.Great post!

  6. Steven the Dad says

    In other words, become more like the "what is he thinking?", type Dads that you have all been so critical of in the past.

  7. Lauren says

    This is a very well-intentioned post, and makes some valid points. However, I feel that there is a glaring omission in the post, one made even more unfortunate by the fact that the author's stated intent is to help women stop berating themselves. In the "job description" (also, biblical job description? Please, point out the verse and chapter!), you tell mothers to love everyone – God, husband, children – except themselves.

    So let me say what this article fails to say: Women and mothers, LOVE YOURSELVES! Before you can ever hope to love your husband and children fully, or even have an honest relationship with God, you have to love yourself. This means more than baking bread for your husband and sewing clothes for your kids. That means having your own life, your own interests, your own career, your own dreams and aspirations. You yourself are a child of God worthy of love independent from your 'job description'; your worth is not measured against how well you serve your husband and children.

    To really help women stop comparing themselves to others, allow women to love themselves as well.

    • Joni says

      Lauren, I think you have a good point, but everything you say that is "you, you, you", sometimes might be looked at as very selfish…which I know that is not was you intended…as a grandmother, I love to give of myself, in the forms of helping others, caring for others, doing for others, it's Christ that lives inside of me that impells me to do so…and at times I do need some times to take some time for myself, to eat right, exercise, etc., to make sure I will be able to continue to do those things that I want to do. Sometimes "having my own life, my own interests, own career, dreams, and aspirations" as you say are intertwined with our lives and our love for others…so I never felt like I was neglecting these things. This article helped me as a grandmother and mother and a wife with the words and meaning it was intended to convey- to be still and know that we can rest in Jesus and not have to keep up with the "Jones."

    • Stephen Altrogge says

      Hey Lauren,

      Thanks for commenting. I would challenge you to find a scripture verse that encourages us to love ourselves more. Scripture seems clear that we already love ourselves far too much. We need to grow in loving others.

      • Rick says

        She is not saying to love ourselves more. She is saying, quite succinctly, that loving ourselves is equally important. Read Mark and Leviticus as proof of that.

    • Anna says

      I'm sorry Lauren, if I sound mean, but the Bible nowhere says we have to learn to love ourselves. In fact, it says that, "No one EVER hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cares for it." This is why we are told to "love your neighbor as yourself". God knows that we already naturally love ourselves more than anything. That's why we have to work at loving others, because we are so self-centered by nature. I know there are times when we "hate" ourselves, but that's not really hate, it's a pity party. We want people to feel bad for us when we feel that way; it's a selfish emotion. When we STOP focusing on ourselves and START focusing on God first and others second, that's where we find joy and peace. (Plus, when you are focused on loving yourself, you don't have time for loving anyone else.) Let me be blunt; you are not the most important thing in the world. God is who is important. We are to be transformed into HIS image, and our lives are about HIS glory.

      • Loren says

        I think Lauren has said something very important!
        As a busy mom you will go crazy if you can’t get away for alone time sometimes!
        That doesn’t mean we should do things that are ungodly, but getting to enjoy a girls night out once a month should not be frowned upon. Shame on those who would think so. If a woman is being so good at being a mother- she needs time to chill out by herself every once in a while!
        No woman is super woman. I can love God all the time and have an hour to myself every once in a while without disappointing God. Spending time with God and in His Word shows that.

        • Karen says

          Yes, this. I think people are caught up on the whole "love yourselves" that they are overlooking the message as a whole. So let's change the term to something else: take care of yourselves. You need to. Here is a perfect example…
          When on a flight, flight attendants will go through the basic procedures of seat belts, emergency exits, oxygen masks, etc. If you are flying with a child, they will tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself FIRST before attempting to put one on the child. Why is this? Because if you focus on the child first, you risk falling unconscious from a lack of oxygen and not being able to help the child…so then both you and the child are now in danger. To prevent that, you take care of yourself first so that you have ability to help the child. Now just apply that to every day life. Take care of yourself. Otherwise don't expect to be able to take care of anyone else.

    • Sonya says

      We already love ourselves. That's why we are commanded to love others as we [already (present active)] love ourselves. The false teaching that we need to love ourselves is a lie of the devil. We are inherently selfish people. We are called to be selfless, God never tells us to love ourselves, we are commanded to deny ourselves. That doesn't mean to live a life of asceticism, it means to live a life fighting our own selfishness.

    • accompanyingsarah says

      I think I'm with Lauren on this one (Karen makes a good point too…with saying "take care of yourselves"). I think I used to be in the camp that thought "I love myself enough…I need to be less selfish and love others more." The problem is, when I took a hard look at myself and the way I thought about myself, the truth was that I was hard on myself, perfectionistic, compared myself to others, and routinely engaged in negative self talk ("you are so stupid…whay can't you get things right?"). I think a lot of Christians don't stop to think about these things because "thinking about yourself is bad" but I do think it's true that taking care of yourself, learning to like yourself and being comfortable in your own skin is really important. It's only from a place of peace with and about your true self in Christ that you'll be able to overflow with love for others.

      On another note: Fantastic post! Women are so judgmental….of themselves and others! Refreshing to hear a "chill out" message!

    • Amanda says

      Lauren, you do have a point – some women do take things to a point where their very health suffers because they don't have time to take care of themselves. And I agree with this statement: "You yourself are a child of God worthy of love independent from your 'job description'. This is so very true!"

      However, I do have a problem with this statement: "Before you can ever hope to love your husband and children fully, or even have an honest relationship with God, you have to love yourself." There is a reason that Steve put a mother's relationship with God first – we cannot truly love ANYONE, much less ourselves, if we do not FIRST have an honest relationship with God. It's in having that honest relationship with God that we find the strength to be able to love our husbands and our children, and still take care of ourselves. There is nothing more important to a strong relationship with our families (and to our own well-being) than a strong relationship with God.

    • Elizabeth says

      Lauren,
      Yes, I know yet another reply to yours. BUT, in Deuteronomy 6:4 it clearly tells us first we are to "Love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind, and strength." It NEVER says "and love yourself". It also says in Deuteronomy 6 that we should "repeat these things to our children". In Ephesians chapter 5 it talks about being "imitators of God" it NEVER talks about loving ourselves. In Ephesians chapter 5:22 it gives clear instruction to wives and husbands on what our roles to one another are. IT NEVER talks about loving "ourselves". It does talk about submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. I encourage you to read Ephesians chapter 5. One of the things it does say is: "For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, since we are members of His body." -Eph. 5:29-

      It is dangerous to get this verse confused with "self love". This kind of "love" is what the world or the "god of this world" wants you to buy into. It's selfish. God knows what our fleshly desires are, and he warns us against this kind of sinful nature that we are prone to falling into. In 2Timothy it tells us of what the world will be like in the last days….."But know this: Difficult times will come in the last days. For People will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, without love for what is good, traitors, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to the form of godliness but denying its power. " -2Tim. 3:1-5-

      When the writer of this post meant "biblical job descriptions" the bible never says we are to fist love ourselves. It clearly tells us to love God first. As a christian this is my most important job to do. If we are trusting and following God faithfully, He will not let us fall apart.

    • Donna says

      Love the Almighy God, LOVE YOURSELF for God loves YOU, and then God's love can truly be given to others.
      Thank you for your post.

  8. Christina says

    Lauren,

    First, i believe the “job description” that the author is referring to is Titus 2.

    Second, the bible never commands us to love ourselves. In fact, our sinful hearts naturally love ourselves most so we need to be taught to love others (God, husband, children).

    Humbly learning to love others as I ought,

    Christina

  9. Heather says

    We are to value ourselves as Gods creation, and treat our bodies as the temple of the Holy Spirit, but I will agree that we must be careful about loving ourselves. There is a huge emphasis on self esteem and loving yourself today and it really isnt what the bible calls us to do. Hatred and abuse of ourselves is not a biblical idea either…and we are not to be a doormat to be degraded, but both men and women are called Biblically to be servants. we are not to think more highly of ourselves than we ought. Our worth is found in Christ.

      • Chris says

        In Luke14:26 Jesus says “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters–yes, even his own life–he cannot be my disciple.
        So we are told that living ourselves is not a way to be his disciple. God wants us to love who we are in Him but finding ourselves in him is only done by loving Him more. Great post.

  10. Bethany says

    Christina & Heather,
    Well said. There is such a high emphasis on self-preservation, when truly, when we do the things the Bible explicitly commands us to to (love Him, love others), HE provides what we need. Too often, mainstream media, etc encourage us moms to put ourselves first, and frankly, that is not an attitude I want to model for my children.
    Thanks for this article. Great word of caution on an easy pitfall for Christian (and non-Christian) moms.

  11. Krissy says

    Thank you for posting this for moms . I have a 21 yr old and a 5 yr old..so I've seen this for years, it's nothing new.I homeschooled my 21 yr old through 10th grade, in an eclectic way and let me tell ya, that was an interesting walk with other Christian moms at times. because most did things very much the opposite of how i did and was. And I was familiar with very wonderful classical schools, they would have kids learning Latin, nothing wrong with that, we did it for a season ( umm yeah, wasn't for him) but it can kinda make you feel like you aren't doing enough so you dabble in that ( or whatever it may be) and feel depressed and give up when it's just not for your family, not that you or your child are a failure.
    Now, I unschool my son, my 5 yr old. Thankfully, there are many unschoolers now. It's so freeing, we are so dependent on the Holy Spirit because we rely and rest on Him so much more it seems. And the stress is reduced because we know he will learn what he needs to learn when he needs to learn it. He's 5!!! And when he was forced to do certain things in prek ( which we had to pull him out of because he was stressed out, he was 4!) he struggled to do them, didn't want to, he wanted to explore. Pre k stopped being fun like the 3 yr old classes, a get ready for kindergarten program….ugh! We prayed about his needs and took him out and have seen his speech and language just blew up ( the whole reason we put him in to begin with. his gifts blossomed, his abilities and desires towards those very things he was being forced to do on their time..he is loving because he wants to do it. He is himself again. We enjoy one another all day. We talk about life, Christ, nature, struggles, etc. In a free flowing stress less way. Which works for him and his needs ( he has speech apraxia and some delays due to that) and for our family. We do some of those things you are referring to, when and if we can or want to do them. If he reads proficiently at 5, awesome! At 10, great!!!! If not, he will. He's In a loving, safe, God filled home. He loves The Lord , others and has a desire to learn. If he never went beyond that, I would be so happy and grateful. But if he did, praise God! We know God will do his holy will in our kids and he loves them more than we ever could so I have no need to stress over all the "a extras", fancy trips or monogrammed clothes ( don't get me started on THAT competition! Lol), activities or abilities. I reflect on what God has already done in his life, our lives, the healing, the testimony he already has at 5!!! He has made fools of the medical community when they said he wouldnt…he DID, because GOD did. we trusted his care and life to God, followed Him to wherever He directed us concerning our son. And I would not trust a God like that to help me be a great mom to my precious gift, to Gods dearly loved child???? No way. My God will not leave my child and he will equip me and my hubby to bring him up in the ways of The Lord. No competition necessary!
    Sorry for the long post but I think this post really meant a lot to me in many levels..more than I have even written here. If you read this, thanks :)

    • Wendy S says

      Rock on, Krissy!!!! YOU are a great mom!!! I loved what you wrote!!! As a mom of 3 girls and a mentor/speaker to a group of 40 young mom, I was so encouraged to read the original post, and read yours as well. Kudos to you for being so in tune to the Holy Spirit's leading in your life and the life of your kiddo. Blessings to you!

  12. Theresa says

    This was wonderful! I'm going to share it with all the moms in my Bible study! I know it will be very encouraging! Thank you!

  13. Rachel says

    Thank you SO much for this! I was literally in tears reading and rereading it. I have 8 month old twins, and I am the only woman who works outside the home in my family. I don't compare myself to mommy blogs because I don't have time to read them. But I do tend to compare myself to my sisters and sister-in-law who stay home with their kids, and I sometimes have feelings of guilt when I go to work, even though I have no doubt in my mind that God has called me to my job. I needed to be reminded that my job is to LOVE my kids and point them to Jesus, and that is really enough. Thank you so much for the reminder.

  14. Mom H says

    I am a low capacity mom – a 1 talent person who has had to trust God's power in about everything I do. It says we are to rest in God, not be anxious, and not to worry. It also says to be diligent and that seems a little different than chilling out. My children are grown now and are wonderful, not because I was a supermom, but because God is faithful to me AND to my children. My perspective is that God 1st loved us and if I'm not daily connecting to His love and that in His presence is the fulness of Joy and at his right hand are pleasures forever, then I have nothing to give. (We love because He first loved us) That could be in a formal Quiet Time every morning, or 'seeing' things in my day from His vantage point. (as described in Scripture) I would say remember that you are first His child and as you let Him parent you, (nurture, discipline, reward, have fun, develop trust) you will know how to parent your own unique children.

  15. Megan says

    This is a great post, even for non-religious moms. There is no reason we have to "keep up with Mrs. Jones." As long as our children are loved the best way we know how, and meet their basic needs (I'm talking food, shelter, and clothing, not iPods, XBoxes, and pizza rolls!) then we are doing our job.

    Hardest job in the word is being a parent. But it also has the greatest benefits!

  16. Darleen Bacon says

    haha I love this! I parented years ago, homeschooled, made the homemade bread, got up at 4 am to have Bible time with the kids. haha So true. Back then there were homeschool magazines (probably still are) that I would get and sit down and cry because I didn't have 17 kids, they weren't in college at 12 and finished with their first bachelor's degree by 16, I didn't have a house that was huge and a husband who could stay home and help, and completely obedient children and money to live on coming from somewhere that seemed endless. Glad there's someone out there encouraging the younger moms.

  17. Tara says

    I started out reading the "facts" at the beginning, and I was getting angry. Glad I kept reading! Thanks for the good reminder!! Too often I put too high of expectations on myself. Thank you!

  18. says

    So true! I knew I'd never be able to compete with my home schoolin', gluten-free bakin', no tv in the house contemporaries, but I sure did feel guilty for a long, long time. I figured out on my own that I can only do what I can do. Thanks for the reminder tho, definatley need a reality check sometimes. : )

  19. Eliza says

    Thanks for this! I think many need to hear this. Martha did what was necessary but Mary chose to do what was needful and many of us moms need the reminder to step back and sit at Jesus' feet. Thank you!!

  20. Alexander McRae says

    Love your husband. Don't leave him! Unless of course he really does treat you like dirt. Some women can hardly bring themselves to believe it, even when it's staring them in the face. Others jump at it on a moment's whim, absolutely blind.

  21. Bill says

    Even when true, so many of these facts seem to indicate a belief that correlation implies causation. One shouldn’t overreact until one knows or at least has reasonable idea as to the cause of the correlation. One shouldn’t put their under achieving child on the golf team just because 90% of the kids on the team go to college.

  22. says

    You obviously don't know me, or you wouldn't be writing to chill out more… ;) I am very chilled. I love reading blogs of (amazing!) women who make, bake and sew amazing things, but I've never ever compared myself with them. I'd be in despair if I did!

    I have a wonderful life. It's very busy by virtue of the fact that I'm a homeschooling mum. But it's also wonderfully chilled. I love the Lord, and I desire nothing in this world more for my kids than that they'd love the Lord with all their heart. I am so thankful that God gave us laughter, a good daily doze being necessary for good family life, methinks :)

    So my advice to myself often needs to be, 'Stop being SO chilled, woman! Get these kids *working*!!'

    Love the post

  23. says

    Very good reminder to rest.

    Hopefully it will be heard well that you are not saying that it is not good to aspire to great things for yourself and your children. In fact, one of the great places of rest for a people in an undisciplined culture is the rest of habitual faithfulness (daily discipline).

    Another way to put it … from a place of rest in the all-sufficient love and provision of Christ, aspire to disciplined faithfulness, that your children will "grow in wisdom and stature in the eyes of both men and with God."

  24. Katie says

    Where does the Bible say that Jesus wants moms to chill out?

    Titus 2 talks about a woman loving her husband and children, but also says she should keep a busy home and be subservient to her husband.

    I think it is great to be encouraging to mothers who are feeling insecure when compared to other moms, but it is not okay to act like the "super-moms" are not doing what Jesus wants them to do because they are not "chill"

    • Stephen Altrogge says

      Hey Katie,

      I wasn't saying that a woman shouldn't be busy. I was simply saying that moms shouldn't feel guilty because they are not doing as much as other moms, especially when it comes to things not in scripture.

      • Katie says

        Of course they should not feel guilty……but they also should not be encouraged to point fingers at mothers who do things differently as though they are not following what Christ wants them to do. This article and the commentary following it comes across as venting against others and expressing frustration with feelings of falling short when compared to other mothers. There are definately sarcastic undertones as though what "over-acheiving" mothers do and say is not scriptural.

        It seems it is meant as a cathartic outlet for those mothers annoyed with Facebook braggers. How is that scriptural?

        • Alison says

          Did you not read the article? His yoke is easy and his burden light. It is meant to encourage moms, not to stop you from over-achieving or blogging. Sheesh.

  25. Rick says

    Christina, your assessment of this article was spot on. First, let me state that I am not a religious person, but the concept of loving yourself is integral to the whole concept of love. Mark 12:31 states clearly "And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these. (King James, Cambridge Ed.)". Also referenced in Leviticus 19:18, "'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD."

    You cannot truly love anyone if you do not love and accept yourself for who you are. If you think changes are necessary to make you a better person, then do so, but do it because it is what you want to do, not because someone else thinks it is necessary. Regardless of what religious texts or books you read, the whole idea of loving yourself is a common theme. They do not state that you should love yourself more, as some here seem to imply, than God. Mark 12:30 states "And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment."

    The fact is that Mark states clearly the two most important commandments are love thy God, and love thy neighbor as you would yourself. Anyone who is self-loathing cannot truly love anyone unless he/she can foster that feeling about themselves. I also find it disturbing to read some of the judgmental comments against someone who offers a slightly different opinion. You can never truly accept God if you cannot accept others, and indeed yourself, for who they/you are.

  26. says

    Loved this! Thank you for the encouragement. :) This really speaks to my culinary/crafting challenged heart. I can’t “make” anything, but I can LOVE my family well. My blog (Poopsandgiggles.net) is about the triumphs and ridiculousness of growing a family.

  27. lheidimitchell says

    I don't know. I think the Proverbs 31 woman is in the Bible for a reason, and I get the idea that the author of this post hasn't read that passage in a while. My job is of course to love my family, but part of the way that I love them is by working my butt off to provide healthy meals and giving them my best. The Proverbs 31 mom kicks butt. She brings her food from afar. She plants a vineyard. She wakes up when it's still dark outside. She's a business woman. She creates things. She helps the poor. I'll use that as my Biblical job description :)

    • Lori says

      Heidi, that is a beautiful picture of womanhood. But, please, try to remember to read things in context. The Proverbs 31 woman is a picture of what a king's wife should be. She would have endless resources and servants at her disposal and more than likely NEVER change a dirty diaper. :) The author of this article is RIGHT on, and teaching a lesson that it has taken some of us several years and many children to learn.

      • lheidimitchell says

        So it's just there to fill pages up in the Bible, not so we can learn anything from it? We can agree to disagree. I don't think this blog post is Biblical, and it's bothersome to me that so many people are reading this as Jesus telling them something. That's just my opinion.

        • deenix says

          Titus 2:3-5 describes an ideal for women, not in as much detail as Proverbs 31, but definitely the same, Biblical idea. This is what we strive for: To do all we can to do what is best for our husband and children. The point I took from this article is that we should NOT strive to do things for our families just because someone else does it for theirs. It's NOT to "keep up with the Joneses, it's to be a Godly example and do all we can so that our children and husband are happy, well-clothed, well-fed, etc.

          Do you see the difference? You're saying this article is not Biblical because it isn't going by your idea of (working your butt off" for your family. To me it's saying Be all you can be for your family, but don't look at others and try to be all they are too…..because that's not what may be good for your family! Chill from being stressed about all others do….do your best and be happy with your family and God will be happy with you!

          • elliceck says

            I agree, this article says don't feel guilty for being all you can be. Often times, we struggle to do the "extra" like teaching or kid Latin at age 5, and then feel guilty. It doesn't say don't give your kid bread, or don't bake bread for them. it says don't feel guilty if you buy it or bake it.. love your kids enough to do what you can for them and not feel guilty cause some "other mom" does "more."

  28. taa says

    My favorite line, "Your job is to love your kids will all your exhausted heart." Because that's what it is sometimes. Exhausting. Thanks for this :)

  29. Rebecca says

    Thank you! For the first time in my whole life I woke up not hating myself this morning. I was so sure there were so many demands God wanted from me and there was absolutly no way I could please God. So I was frustrated and angry I felt like I was never doing enough or the right thing when it came to being a woman, mom, wife, and daughter. Thanks for helping me realize the truth.

    This morning I allowed my son to watch a whole movie and we even danced around the house. I've had a smile on my face all day.

  30. Beth says

    Love this! Thank you! I stopped reading "mom blogs" for exactly this reason, unless I have a specific question or am looking for a certain recipe. Just today I was stressing out about having to make toddler training undies tonight because the ones small enough for my daughter are way too expensive. But maybe I'll just chillax for a bit, read. Then maybe get to sewing if I have the energy. If not, I'll do it another day.

  31. Melanie says

    What a wonderful post. God made us all unique in our ways and not one or the other is doing anything wrong. We do what we feel is best for our families. Whether you make things homemade or buy it from the store, bottle or breastfeed, eat organic or eat regular produce, send the kids to school or homeschool. :)

  32. Suzanne says

    I love the heart of this post. I'm a mom of 4, ages 12-24, and I think I've heard about everything. My only addition to this would be, there's nothing wrong with some of the things that are pointed out in this post as things you don't "have" to do. No, you don't "have" to bake bread, but if you enjoy it and if you want to do it to provide a healthy option for your family, do not run and hide and do your bread baking "in a closet" either. Several years ago, the "you will make your own bread from freshly ground wheat if you're a good mother" message got out. Now, here's what I hear from people with snorts and eye rolls: "I will never be one of those jumper wearing, wheat grinding, bread baking women because I'm too busy taking my kids here, there and everywhere. Seriously, those women don't live in the real world!" Oh my. So, one side bashed another for not baking and now the "bashed" are hitting back and making anyone who bakes bread start to think there's something wrong with her. Same for the scrapbooking and any of a dozen other "must dos" of the past. Let's be clear… stop the ridiculous blanket statements; stop trying to live up to human standards and start doing motherhood as unto the Lord. Moms, please stop beating each other up. Please start supporting, encouraging and spurring each other on to love the Lord, your husband and your children in the manner in which God has uniquely called you for your family!

  33. Allison says

    Beautiful. But remember most mommy blogs were never about really improving the lives of children. They are all about mummy's hidden desires to one-up her peers, lose herself in the trivial and meaningless, and make fake friends that she has no responsibility to in real life.

  34. Jeannie says

    My aunt posted this on Facebook, and I was suprised to discover that a man wrote this, which I appreciate! Thanks for speaking life into us!

  35. Donelle says

    I would add to that list of three things to BE the CHURCH. We are so individually minded in the West that we forget Ephesians and the words of Paul and Jesus that we are a PEOPLE called out by God – not a nuclear family with just three edicts to follow to be faithful.

  36. says

    Totally true! You're right to note that there are a myriad of mom blogs that can "create" comparison and foster angst in moms, but thankfully, there are also many mom blogs devoted to the exact opposite purpose: to find grace, encouragement, hope, and humor in motherhood. (In my blogging, this is my primary goal, in fact.)

    Great post — a solid reminders for moms!

  37. Rebecca says

    OH my goodness!! I am so guilty of comparing myself to other moms! Thanks for this priceless reminder of my true calling!

  38. JOAN MORLIN says

    I LIKE THE REST IN THE LORD MOTTO. I KNEW THIS A LONG TIME AGO. I DIDN'T EVEN KEEP GOOD BABY BOOKS BECAUSE
    MOMS ALWAYS COMPARE WHEN THEIR KIDS DID THE NATURAL THINGS ALL KIDS DO SOONER OR LATER. MY KIDS GREW UP JUST FINE
    THEY ARE ALL WALKING NOW…THE ELDEST, 55.

  39. LRF says

    I don’t get on FB very often but was today & happened to see a link to your chill out moms article. God totally brought me to read this as the past week+ has been so very hard! This post was a hugecburden litter for me~Blessings~

  40. Salt and light says

    I found this advice to be a little disappointing. You tell moms to chill out which is great but you replace it with a job description that is not biblical in that it does not sufficiently capture the greatest commandments to love God and love others. You seem to define others as your husband and your kids. While comforting on its face this advice turns the eyes of women inward and away from a world outside their doors that they are called to be salt and light to. A world that waits while they nap as in the picture in your lead in. I'm not trying to be too harsh but as a pastor you really need to be more careful because truth matters. What might be more helpful to women in helping to them to achieve the right balance with respect to all that moms are called to do including the world outside their front door.

    • cathy s says

      When I read this article, I did not see that at all. FIRST is said that you love God and you can make that happen in a million ways. Later in the article I read that our job is to teach our children to follow the Lord. I immediately thought about how he says we should serve and love others. This immediately made me think that our priority with this should be serving in our community and beyond and that I should model that and involve them. To back up a little, our husbands should be coming before this and I believe this is biblical.

  41. Joyful mom says

    Thank you for this article. I was just thinking about all the different choices I have to make being a mom: stay at home vs. go to work, nanny vs. daycare, epidural vs. natural and so on. I find such freedom and joy when I release all of my worries to God and He gets to make the choice. I am so blessed to have my son that I don't want to get so caught up in the comparisons that I miss out on him and who God has created him to be.

  42. deniseathome says

    It is useless to compare ourselves to other mothers. There is no one type of perfect mom because each child is unique and needs different things from a mother. Part of being a good mother is helping our children learn to live with disappointment. As humans we make mistakes and are then able to be a role model for our children on how to cope with failure. Children more than anything else want our time and for us to be proud of them. Even teenagers. One of the biggest blessings in my life is being able to spend time with my adult children. They are not perfect but they are all loving human beings who contribute to society in their own way. I made plenty of mistakes,and have many regrets and yet they still turned out great in spite of their father and myself. Please moms and dads cut yourself some slack and enjoy your children now, because before you know it they will be grown and out of the house.

  43. Ken says

    Christians are to be discerning when it comes to "truth". Where is the data sources on these so-called FACTS? I love the Lord and hate scare tactics. Show me the research to prove these facts to be true. Thank you.

  44. says

    Very encouraging thoughts! May I share them in my local (digital) homeschool newsletter that privately goes to about 100 families? Rebecca Thompson, Christian Home Educators of the Antelope Valley

  45. mrsgore81 says

    Love this. I am a homeschooler (and a blogger), and had all these grand ideas of what our first year would be like. I worked my tail off, and for TWO DAYS, we had an elaborate schedule and this place was hoppin'…
    then I decided to chill.
    We go over the basics in school now when the opportunity arises, but our focus this year has shifted (you know…after those first two days, haha) and if my kids are playing in harmony? I let them play and grow deep bonds of love and unity. If its pretty outside? We go chill in the yard and take in God's creation. Life is about God and knowing Him and loving Him and loving others…
    the rest is extra. Freedom comes when we view life Biblically and not culturally!

  46. says

    As someone who struggles with a lot of self hatred and self-loathing I totally get what she means. It is not about a put yourself on a pedestal kind of thing. There is way too much of that going around. It is about seeing your dignity as a daughter of God. If we don't see that, if we always see ourselves as worms, then we can not carry out his call in our homes. He loved us enough to die for us and to be with us every day of our lives. Who are we to say we can't love ourselves. We are talking about real love here. Not pride, arrogance, and self centeredess. Real love, Christ's sacrificial love. How can we sacrifce what we don't have?

  47. says

    Thanks for the good writeup. It actually used to be a leisure account it.
    Look complex to far added agreeable from you! By the way, how could we keep in touch?

  48. Ellie says

    This is so right! We often get caught up in these ideas that the perfect mom homeschools, is gluten free, and has never let their child set foot in a McDonalds. Being around the homeschool world has been wonderful and has been the best choice for my family, but it is easy to cave into the pressures of those around you and not focus on the important things. Honestly, God doesn't care if you eat organic food, potty train your kids at one year old, or dress in ankle-length skirts – he cares about your heart attitude and love for him! We get so concerned about how others view us and we forget what truly matters – how God views us!

Trackbacks

  1. [...] Dear Moms, Jesus Wants You To Chill Out – Moms, Jesus wants you to chill out about being a mom. You don’t have to make homemade bread to be a faithful mom. You don’t have to sew you children’s clothing to be a faithful mom. You don’t have to coupon, buy all organic produce, keep a journal, scrapbook, plant a garden, or make your own babyfood to be a faithful mom. There’s nothing wrong with these things, but they’re also not in your biblical job description. – Stephen Altrogge [...]

  2. [...] The Blazing Center: ‘Don’t make homemade bread simply because you see other moms posting pictures of their homemade bread on Facebook. … Don’t be crushed by guilt if your kids aren’t making stylish blazers by the age of 10.’ Love this – titled Dear Moms, Jesus Wants You to Chill Out =) [...]

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