An Open Letter From Satan

Hey folks,

I hope you’re recovering quickly from your turkey induced comas, and your green bean casserole hangovers. But as much as I care about your health, there’s an even more important issue I want to talk about: thankfulness. Yesterday was rough, I know. With all the Facebook posts, Tweets, parades, family, killer pumpkin pie, Cool Whip, and football, it was hard not to be grateful. I don’t fault you. I didn’t like it, but I don’t fault you.

But today is a new day, and a new day brings new opportunities. Now that Thanksgiving is past, it’s time to get back to what comes most naturally: ungratefulness. Now, I realize what you’re thinking. How can I recover my ungratefulness mojo? Don’t worry. That’s why I’m here to help. By doing one simple thing you can get right back into your grumbling groove. What is that one simple thing?

FORGET.

It’s that easy! Simply forget.

First and foremost, forget about that ridiculous “rugged cross” (or however that atrocious hymn goes). I’ve noticed that people who linger at the cross tend to be filled with gratefulness. Gratefulness spills out of them, like grease from a filthy pan. We don’t want that. So stay away from that cross! Don’t let your mind be cluttered with ideas of forgiveness, ransom, and great burdens rolling off backs. If anything, I would suggest you turn your attention to all the things you must do for God. Yes, yes, that’s a much better course of action.

Second, be wary of recalling the past. If you think too much about the past, there’s a good chance that you’ll accidentally remember God’s faithfulness, blessings, and steadfast love. Wouldn’t that be a mistake! Stay firmly rooted in the problems of the here and now. Keep your mind fixed on your tight budget, rather than on the ways God has provided in the past. Keep your mind fixed on the delicious sins that keep tripping you up, rather than on God’s past faithfulness to help you overcome sin. If I had the ability to do a memory wipe on you, I would. Because you really need to forget about the past.

Finally, and this really is important, forget about all the blessings that are currently heaped around you. Family? Forget about it. Health? Meh, let it go. The fact that you can go to school? Big whoop. All that food you ate yesterday? Fuggeddaboutit. All the books, Bibles, clothes, friends, clean water, beds without malaria nets, and furniture. Not important. Instead of remembering your blessings, put your laser focus on all that you don’t have.

If you follow this one simple step, you can be back to your old, grumbling, ungrateful, moody, mostly miserable self. Stay forgetful my friends, stay forgetful.

Sincerely,

Satan

+photo by kevinzim

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