Things Not To Say To Your Pastor After He Preaches Sunday

This Sunday, encourage your pastor after his message. But here are couple things you might not want to say:
  • Wow that was the best sleep I’ve ever had!
  • I know you were preaching on Matthew but I just couldn’t stop thinking about those locusts in Revelation.
  • Nothing you said applied to me but my roommate sure needs to do what you said.
  • I love that illustration – I have no idea what you were illustrating but I really love the illustration.
  • Have you heard John Piper’s message on that same text?  Wow is it good.
  • I really liked the first five minutes of your message but then I had to go outside for a couple smokes.
  • I think you meant to say, “Father Abraham send Lazarus to touch his finger to my tongue,” but you said, “Father Abraham send Lazarus to stick his tongue in my mouth (I actually said that once by accident).
  • You know what would’ve made that message better? If you would’ve used some Scripture.
  • I love coming to this church because the worship music is so awesome.  The messages are ok too.
  • Wow that message was deep – would you mind explaining it to me?
  • Do you know you said “Uh” 93 times during your message?  I know because I was counting.
  • I think you meant to say “hermetically” sealed instead of “hermeneutically” sealed didn’t you? (I  said this last week).
  • Here’s a funny portrait of you I drew you while you were preaching.
  • That message was awesome! What was it about again?
  • Thanks for working so hard on the message. I know preaching isn’t very enjoyable for you so thanks for serving us.
  • Have you ever thought about doing something besides preaching for a living?
  • cynthia

    God has gifted you with a sense of humor to manage the unthinking…

    • Mark Altrogge

      Thanks Cynthia!

  • lisa

    I'm SORRY! I'm SORRY!

    • Mark Altrogge

      That's okay Lisa, I'm just damaged for life. But hey, if you hadn't pointed out my misuse of "hermeneutically" I would not have had it to write about – I might have just gone on blissfully ignorant.

      • lisa

        For the record, I STARTED by thanking you for the message and telling you how much I appreciated the great job you did explaining the two meanings of sanctification. THEN I zinged you with the hermeneutically sealed thing. Just sayin'.

        • Mark Altrogge

          You're right, Lisa. And you are always so encouraging. I just need to hermeneuticly seal my soul from being discouraged by corrections on my word choices.

  • Elaine

    Funny, Mark! I appreciate your humor!

    But I really appreciate your preaching (as well as the preaching of all our pastors). It's always based on the Word and the Gospel is always crystal clear for all. I'm thankful for the way the Lord is using it to grow our faith.

    • Mark Altrogge

      Thanks so much Elaine! You're always so encouraging.

  • Ginny

    I cannot wait to share this. It's got to be hard to keep going when you say something like the Lazarus one.

    • Mark Altrogge

      It would have been hard, Ginny, except I didn't realize I said it. I only found out after I was finished.

  • Albert

    Is it just me, or did "damaged for life" seem a lot more dramatic 40 years ago?

    • Mark Altrogge

      Yeah, I should say damaged for the very short period of time remaining…

  • Dan Taylor

    Ignorance is bliss huh?

    • Mark Altrogge

      I wonder how many things I am in bliss about…

  • Elizabeth Bunting

    That was a great sermon. I couldn't get a wink of sleep – I tossed and turned the whole time!

    • Mark Altrogge

      Good one, Elizabeth! That might mean there was possibly conviction. Or maybe just that the seat is too lumpy.

  • Jim Allshouse

    Why is that man punching his bible?

    • Mark Altrogge

      He's punching the Bible probably instead of punching somebody's face who has fallen asleep…

  • Lori

    I appreciate your sense of humor – which you have passed on to your son. :-) Sometimes we just have to laugh at ourselves – and at others. I often wonder if people do not think through things before they say them. I am the mom of three internationally adopted kids and believe me, I have been the recipient of a lot of comments that you should "never say to an adoptive family". :-)

    • Mark Altrogge

      Hi Lori, yes I think we should all take things with a grain of salt, even well intended comments that you should "never say to…". I can imagine you've gotten some eyebrow raising comments over the years.

  • oshea davis

    "Have you heard John Piper’s message on that same text? Wow is it good." lol
    Well, Mark, if it helps next time you hear Piper preach go and tell him, "have you read Jonathan Edwards' sermon on this same this same text? Wow is it good!?

    • Mark Altrogge

      Good one, oshea! I'll have to remember that next time.

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  • Tracie

    Awesome post. I actually try not to say anything unless I have something positive to say! I am on the worship team and we get lots of great comments, some not so great, but a lot of encouragement.

    • MarkAltrogge

      I get lots of encouragement too, Tracie. I was mostly kidding with this post, though I have gotten a few of the ones I mentioned over the years…

  • Jennifer

    We loved it when you said hermeneutically instead of hermetically! My husband had made a joke in that nature the week before so it was totally the spirit that lead you to slip up. ;)

    • Mark Altrogge

      Hey Jennifer, it's probably your husband's fault then that I said that.

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  • Jimmy Scarff

    You guys are so funny. I love your blog and your music. This entry gave me a few chuckles.

    Hope to hear from you guys soon. Stay Cool Altrogge family and co.