Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Colossians 3:12-13
God commands his children to forgive each another. For this reason – He has forgiven our incalculable debt against him, so we should forgive those who sin against us.
Seems straight ahead and simple, right? Maybe not quite so straight ahead and simple as it seems on the surface.
We live in a fallen world, and both Christians and non-Christians sin against each other. And very often in devastating ways. Sadly, even Christians fall into horrible sin at times and it can be life shattering when you are sinned against. Sin causes anguish, sadness and misery. So when someone sins against you, I would not say you just quickly and flippantly say, Oh well, I forgive you, that’s ok. Everything back to normal.
If someone hurts or betrays us and then asks forgiveness, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk about that sin and how it hurt us. It doesn’t mean we just brush it under the carpet and move on. Sin is devastating. It can take time to get to the place where we can forgive and restore the relationship.
There have been times in the past I have been too quick to encourage people to get together with someone who has sinned against them and grant forgiveness.
And forgiveness doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be consequences. Certain sins might even involve calling the police, even though someone repents. If I go out and irresponsibly charge $20,000 on my credit card, then ask my wife’s forgiveness, even though she forgives me I will have to pay that money back. I’ll have consequences for a long time.
And even when we forgive someone, that doesn’t mean we must immediately trust them. Sin shatters trust. It can take a long time to earn trust again once it has been shattered.
Forgiving others takes the power of God. We can’t do it in our own strength. But Jesus can help us. If you are struggling with unforgiveness or bitterness toward someone, cry out to God to help you. Seek counsel, talk to a trusted mature Christian or your pastor. If you know someone was sinned against in a significant way, and worked through it and came to a place of forgiveness, get together with them and seek their insights.
Forgiveness and reconciliation should be a goal believers work toward for the glory of God. Colossians 3:13 says “you also MUST forgive.” Unforgiveness and bitterness aren’t options. We’re working out our lives together. I need you to forgive me when I sin against you, and I must forgive you as well because God has forgiven us in Christ.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Mark,
Love the post. And I absolutely agree that in our own strength, it's impossible to forgive as The Lord has forgiven us. At least I know that is true in my life. But I would be interested to hear how you reconcile you statement, "It can take time to get to a place where we can forgive….." and Col 3:13 and The Lord's Prayer where are called to forgive as God has forgiven us. I have heard it taught that one dimension of that command is that forgiveness should be immediate because the Lords forgiveness is immediate when we ask. And in times of great pain I have struggled with that because I couldn't seem to find away even when I called on The Lord. And when I thought I forgave, days or weeks later I found unkind thoughts of that person entering my head. Thankfully, The Lord is patient and always without fail has brought me to a place of foregiveness when I persistently sought Him. So my experience lines up with what you say, but I feel like I am missing the mark in the meantime until I get to that point. And that would also raise the question, how long it too much time to foregive.
Sorry for the long rambling comment, but you have hit a point I have been pondering for quite some time.
Hey Larry, thanks for your comments, your question and your humility. Although technically we should forgive immediately, when someone is in shock, pain, and sadness after being horrifically sinned against it may take time, and beseeching Jesus for help to forgive. For example, I'd never say to someone moments after being raped or finding out their spouse had committed adultery, "Hey, you need to forgive them right now." Those are extreme examples, but the principle would apply in lesser, but still very painful situations.
And we may have to keep fighting to forgive because as you said days or weeks later unkind thoughts can come back. The temptation to bitterness is very real. It sounds like you have done a really good job of seeking the Lord and fighting to forgive and to resist bitterness. I think this is one aspect of the good fight of faith.
Mark, I appreciate this post. In the early years of my Christian life among God's saints I found it rather difficult to understand why the people of God could not love someone like me. Even my pastor distanced himself from me. I was the leper no one wanted to touch. After much wrestling and by God's grace He taught me that I was to love my fellow Christians unconditionally. Once that was settled between me and my Lord I was able to love others with the love of Christ. It was a big deal for me back then and it was worth every painful moment.
Wow Moe, what a story. It makes me so sad to hear how you were treated by fellow believers and your pastor. No Christian should be treated as the leper no one wants to touch. I commend you for how you sought God's grace to love despite being sinned against. I really respect you. Thanks for your comments.
Thanks, Mark…we all really appreciated the sermon that led to this post. Forgiveness is a huge issue for me and we have really attempted to keep short accounts with each other. I am convinced forgiveness is critical to our relationship with the Father and with each other.
Almost everyone I know can testify to the heartbreaking consequences that rise (not might, but will come) from the inability to forgive. Since our children were able, we have required (now that they are young adults, strongly encourage) them to keep short accounts with us, with each other, and with others. When they were young, we required them to look each square on, hold hands, and apologize (saying "I am sorry for ….whatever it was) and then asking for forgiveness. And the offended party was required to say he would forgive. We tried to teach them that forgiveness was a matter of the will and rarely had anything to do initially with emotions; we learn to trust God to bring the feelings.
Yes, we failed miserably at times but the Lord has been so gracious to us and has blessed our feeble efforts. He is able to make much of even our small steps of obedience.
Our pastor in SC was a godly man, full of classic Southern sayings. He used to remind us that we would never be asked to forgive anyone as much as God had to forgive us. As hard as it is to forgive at times….that helps me keep perspective.
Thanks Elaine, wonderful comments. I love the phrase "short accounts." That was one of the early things Kristi and I were taught by some wise believers about marriage – not to let the sun go down on our anger, and to keep short accounts. And you are right – the consequences of bitterness and unforgiveness are terrible, so it is crucial that we all keep asking and granting forgiveness. Love the story about your children!
Great stuff! Forgiveness is indeed a hard and difficult task. I remember a time when I was hurt so deeply by people in the church, people who were supposedly my brothers and sisters in Christ and they hurt me deeply. My initial reaction was to retaliate, to give back the amount of pain that they had given to me at an already painful season in my life. I struggled with bitterness for quite some time. And then I began to see the amazing grace of God. My sin was HUGE! The way that I was responding to them was worse than the initial offence that they dished out to me. I had to forgive, I'm commanded to. Not because God is a unfair Father but because He knows that holding on to hurts and offenses will only harden me and destroy me. My offenses and my sin is what nailed Jesus to the cross, if He can forgive a notorious sinner like me, there is truly hope!
By the way, how many guitars would you have bought with the $20,000? Just curious!
Blessings
Ron
Hey Ron, Thanks for your great comments! I love this line –"My offenses and my sin is what nailed Jesus to the cross, if He can forgive a notorious sinner like me, there is truly hope!" amen
Guess it depends on what kind of guitar you're talking about – if it's Fender Squire's or Paul Reed Smith top-of-the-line…
{ 2 trackbacks }